Confessions

Where to start I don't know but I think it's time for a heart to heart All these things I kept inside are tearing me apart Wanna get this off my chest, I don't need no remarks Time to light the spark, ready to start Time to go in my mind it's a scary place I hate to do this but got to anyway Jesus said that I need to reveal what makes me go insane Get it in the open and expose what the enemy has been poking at me Time to go in my core I'm ready for all of it to end and be no more ready to expose it Board up all the doors, light the fire inside Burn up all the floors, time to make it burn bright Are you ready to see, what's at my feet, are you Come and grab a seat, ready for the debut This is really me in my past life Got your tickets no receipts no refunds This may sting like a bee, I will not retreat This is who I was before I came to be, the christian I am now This may be profound, if you disagree Find another sound, if your staying here, keep a quiet mouth Guide me Holy Spirit, let me take and smear it on this page The things that I be fearing, without interfering Time to get the mirror, let us clean it clearer Then we'll see everything I be keeping in, all my darkest sins This really hard for me to let 'em in But it's time right now, not to water down My whole life before I start to really drown I don't need a crown, headaches start to pound Skip the ibuprofen Time to let it Let us say it loud, ready for the breakdown Some people may think that my life has been working But that is far from it the truth is I'm broken What they don't know is that i used to turn To the smoking of cigarettes and weed and owned it Many-a-times I would turn to the drinking of alcohol, feeling like I was alone On my phone, my internet history, it was so sickening, sexual notions got into me That wasn't so bad but that was just a taste That was just a glimpse of what was unknown, anyone relate Time to dive in deeper, let me grab another plate You don't wanna eat my cooking but it's not up for debate This is for my Lord He's the one that died for me and I will not ignore The things that he commands of me For when I was born, sin was my identity But not anymore, ready for round two I have some abandonment issues And though I don't miss you I'll always remember the lies That led me to think that you actually cared for me But the thing is you were busy with guys It's not an excuse but I felt like I needed to cope with the pain So I gave what was mine I hooked up with all of these girls Trying to fill the hole and the damage I felt deep inside Because I had many breakups and relationships All of them ended in cutting my very skin All of them ended in what would then begin many thoughts Seeming very homicidal, a deep darkened feeling No sense of revival, needed the Bible But gave up and died, spiritually, and then empirically Satan brought all of my demons, and laughed so satirically I didn't know how to deal with it, so I kept doing it All the drugs, sex, and drinks I be pouring My body, I was just whoring it Giving away what was sacred While naked with people that didn't show love to me Deeper and deeper I fell in myself While the enemy had me down right to my knees I could of got out because I had the keys But i couldn't, because I had people appeased What, they said they liked the old me Went down a couple degrees I felt my heart start to freeze All of my demons came from my own deeds I thought satan was my friend Now I know never again He can not hold me no more Jesus saved me and showed me great remorse This is a lot I know but just hear me out If you wanna leave because of who I used to be, I'll see you around But just know I really changed and want to make an impact To attack the darkness I'll work my hardest, this is how to get started This is for my Lord He's the one that died for me and I will not ignore The things that he commands of me For when I was born, sin was my identity But not anymore, anymore And then the alter ego don't get me started Made me feel defeat got cold hearted He lived in my mind, so I couldn't find, my identity in lord Jesus Christ Made me slip away, hatred every day Toward the people that had hurt me every way Didn't care about my loved ones and my family While I as digging my own grave Yes I was a slave, the one they call Satan He's the one that gave me these dark sensations He's the one cutting off all my relations My patience at that time it had no duration He was my creation, but never did I To intend for him to be killing me, stealing me From the Lord God all the time he was drilling me Making me into the demons that lived in me This is for my Lord He's the one that died for me and I will not ignore The things that he commands of me For when I was born, sin was my identity But not anymore, anymore This was who I used to be but not who I am now I needed to release the tension, within my own house I'm glad I got to share this with my therapist during our session This my renewal and revival, this is my confession