If Only

I miss the old days I miss the old memories I miss my bold ways I miss my gold fantasies But I can't turn away There is just way too much to pay If only I could pray But there is nothing to say I miss the old days I miss the old memories I miss my bold ways I miss my gold fantasies But I can't turn away There is just way too much to pay If only I could pray But there is nothing to say Little boy has a dream Big city small opportunities Wanna enter the game With small to no ambition and big insecurities So many players, so many traps ahead He might have already fallen before he started Who knows he might already be dead You still gotta try little boy At least in a small article in a journal Dead or alive we out there to be eternal Not dead physically but mentally in another place Another space, no longer with the same face We all age at a different pace Not here to dump on the old way Not here to dump on the new way either Here to dump in my own ways I ain't a stranger to the decimals and heaven flows I lift my hands up to the beat I'm always fucking praising soul I never lost myself in the hype, I never don't Poem by my side, I'm reading books like Maya Angelou Headstrong, rollin dutches Angels when I'm looking at a view Hands on the payment Asked Mother Earth what she knew She hidin' all this secret Yeah she hiding all this truth We never see the time, never hear a tick tock But we are the fountain of the youth, we cant stop On life, I catch another sentence Hide from cops, and hide from adolescence My fist up, relax never catching all these seconds I took a breather, took a gasp, now my necks in I died twice, paranoia, baby can't forgive The genocide, the constant fear, here where I live Damn, yup, shit, here where I live My Bills in my hands, kids to assist Losing my young spark, I'm growing up with a whisp Dreams coexist not persist, chase the wealth Ourselves for sale, with low interest Cheating is, how we risk all of this Gun in my hand, cuts on my wrist What more suicide marks will I get When I risk myself... when I lose myself... We all lost ourselves...I just need some help... I need somewhere to go, somewhere better to be I need the growth, need the mindset changing in me I swear to god I just... When I lie here everyday I think about waves I drown myself I'm going under way I'm just thinking about the times that I can't escape And all the thoughts that I cant escape I'm just lost in my mind can I get a break Oh baby boy can I get a break I miss the old days I miss the old memories I miss my bold ways I miss my gold fantasies But I can't turn away There is just way too much to pay If only I could pray But there is nothing to say I miss the old days I miss the old memories I miss my bold ways I miss my gold fantasies But I can't turn away There is just way too much to pay If only I could pray But there is nothing to say