I'm Trying

You couldn't break my heart 'Cause I didn't remember the last time it was whole Like so many before you You just kicked a box of broken bits I was trying to not write poetry about you But I started a poem a few days before you called About how I saw a future where we could live Our own extraordinarily ordinary life How I thought my heart could be mended How you came out of nowhere To beat uncertainty To be the one lover I was ever truly comfortable with To help me love myself again For obvious reasons I never finished it The first time our hearts broke It felt like we would die But we didn't The first time a love failed It felt like another would never work But it always does It felt like a fist clenching in the middle of our chest Like an inexperienced fighter getting ready to throw the first punch And your heart is a muscle the size of your fist And it's always gonna be looking for a fight And alright Sometimes it'll lose And break But you'll put it back together 'Cause we have to keep trying We have to keep trying I have to keep trying But as you called to say it's over I felt nothing But a slight rattle of broken pieces A flicker in the back of my mind But it got me thinking It made me acknowledge That it's time we stop counting on others to mend what's been broken Instead of searching the wilderness Looking for fresh hearts to replace our own Let's bring out the tweezers and super glue 'Cause the truth is It's only you who can know Where all the pieces go So power up the work light And put that gooey little heart back together That's what I'm gonna do And I'm gonna use a little bit of extra glue And maybe some duct tape There's an old cliche about how No one can love anyone who can't love themselves But I've never found that to be the case Lots of people have loved me through times Where I had no love for myself See the tricky bit is understanding what being loved means See love can only grow from within And love can't heal you If you're not accepting the love you're receiving And how could you If you don't feel like you even deserve your own See it's easy for people to love you if you don't love yourself Maybe even easier at first What's actually true is that you won't know how to be loved Until you love yourself 'Cause as long as you don't People can pour their love into you Until they're empty and you are too When you love yourself And accept the love from others That's when it'll start overflowing Almost instantly Trickle-down love Spilling out 'Cause if there's nowhere for it to go You'll blow So accept the love you're given And then You can finally love like you're supposed to Like they love in the songs and movies and poems A love that's healing A love that's feeling Like it has a home 'Cause you can't glue together any heart without love Especially not your own And what's broken doesn't work So now I'm trying I'm trying to be better I'm negotiating a ceasefire with myself 'Cause now I'm finally trying Every day To see the love all around me I'm trying Every day To let everyone else see my love I'm trying Every day To see people trying So now Every day I'm trying It took a while I know But I'm trying Every day So don't worry about me anymore I think I'm gonna be just fine So thank you for listening And I hope you're trying Every day