i think i'll stay in

After a day of empty tasks I go to sleep, tear off my mask I am a stranger, even to myself Always this aching in my guts Regular things leave me torn up Nobody asks me how my day has been But sometimes I start leaking sap Self-hating jokes that don't get laughs It won't be very long til I act like it never happened It won't be very long til I forget it ever mattered Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine. Do you wanna hang out? watch cartoons and cry? Day after day my mind goes dim I grow out and rip off my second skin My journal's empty, no will left to write I am unfit to love myself The check engine light keeps burning out Subconscious thoughts are rising to the top But sometimes I start leaking sap Self-hating jokes that don't get laughs It won't be very long til I act like it never happened It won't be very long til I forget it ever mattered Yeah, I'm cool, it's fine. Do you wanna hang out? I'll watch you drink wine I pulled the sword from the rock But I got shy and put it back The people stared, all were appalled "We thought that you were someone else" I feel empty From a grade that passed the class and nothing more When the treadmill of self-care becomes a chore Tired of counting hours of missing sleep I'm always tired And I grow And I change And I hate What this world has done to me Not calm Not safe No joy Only tragicomedy A wizard came, knocked on my door "We need your help", they implored Oh, they warned, if I accept I must be sure cuz I can't go back I'll be honest I'm afraid of monumental change Less than I fear things might stay the same What's the risk if I risk everything? Okay, I'll do it