Stage 1

This shit is sticking to my soul like a piece of gum Thinking 'bout grandma and grandpa up in Elysium It fucking sucks I feel the need to numb these feelings So I'm here just getting higher than Mariah's voice on helium Wonder what's the meaning of this shit if it's just getting taken I've got a target I'm tryna hit but I'm feeling aimless It's made me gracious realzing I'm on this time crunch But I'm still shaken by the fact it tends to make the eyes gush Within five months two people I adored Didn't jump in that sea of death they were thrown overboard Lives thwarted by cancer Alzheimer's and Parkinson's Within a year pain's the only thing that both parties in A partisan is what I was it was the most that I could do Seeing 'em like this didn't make em loose I'm dropping screws Topic's too much I hope this is some skewed slumber I'd hear their voice again as I hit the snooze button I don't know if I'm dreaming That's what I don't know I don't know if I'm dreaming That's what I don't know that's what I don't know Am I dreaming That's what I don't know but I can't let you go No I can't let you go These were my first deaths will never forget How I dropped to the ground like baby's taking their first steps Been cursed since with this ongoing existential crisis A voice possessing my head that's saying You're next My shirt's wet everything I'm thinking of 'em If I could buy something back the time is what I'd fucking purchase It's been a year and I'm still just steady sulking True catharsis in my head cause I haven't come to terms yet with it It burns and it's frigid in my body Luckily the fruits of my labor staying awfully hardy Dichotomy's odd to me I'm tryna be strong But there's weakness in not acknowledging what is going on Pros and cons to this shit lessons learned bandaid's ripped Soon I'll say that with reality look I came to grips And make some sense of the future of the present and past If there's supposed to be heaven then why's my head up in the cloud's bitch I don't know if I'm dreaming That's what I don't know I don't know if I'm dreaming That's what I don't know that's what I don't know Am I dreaming That's what I don't know but I can't let you go No I can't let you go Am I dreaming am I dreaming I think I really know now No need to pinch me both my feet up on the ground Yeah grief had me like a fucking peasant bowing down But I've been learning how to put on my own crown And I'm homebound now and on that road to peace A dying seed to a grow tree it's so puzzling I'm tryna reconnect with this piece of myself That this death went and stole from me But I'm waking up I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up (Don't wake me up) I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up (Don't wake me up) I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up I'm waking up yeah I'm really waking up I don't know if I'm dreaming That's what I don't know I don't know if I'm dreaming That's what I don't know that's what I don't know Am I dreaming That's what I don't know but I can't let you go No I can't let you go