Nonsense N Meaning

I wouldn't want anybody to feel like how I feel sometimes R.I.P. Robin Williams, he could tell you why It's all fun and games with me until I'm all alone and the demons are roaming free Let me tell you their names. I call them the past, trauma, and mistakes Awkward situations and selfless reflection allow me to see that the world I built for myself is just a force for me to feel better But a quick deep glance will show the fractures in this picture A trick yah is what keeps popping up in my mental vision Been through a lot, but haven't we all? Some give up standing after they fall Me, I find my peace in music, keeping destructive thoughts at bay by letting sounds go through me Binaural beats, 528 hertz frequencies, 8 hour long melodies, compilations of sad songs, rain and thunderstorms, sparking my creativity to grow and bloom Call it a coping mechanism, but I thank God it's creative and I hope you can listen as I bleed through my existential prison The pains, the joys, I'm painting it vivid It's the connections with others I'm trying to link It's the connections, it's the connections with self I'm needing Kicking and screaming, feeding the leaching Lying and cheating, Nonsense N meaning Playing defeated, night's a minigame Kicking and screaming, feeding the need change Lying and cheating, Nonsense N meaning Playing the feeling, nonsense n meaning Restless, paying the price for wanting to be famous Thirteen hour shifts for the few bucks I spent Paying off debts and studio equipment Burying myself in blankets and pillows Meditating to ease the crippling anxieties of living free With no set goals in mind except for a vague finish line When I cross it, I will know I made it But made what? My dreams into reality But now I reflect, what was my parents' intent for me when they conceived me And how deep does it influence me Am I a product of their deep subconscious desires I like to think I'm not But as I go deeper, I believe I can see clearer Pops was a stable man with big dreams, steady to achieve them Whilst leaving the practicalities of everyday life for mom to deal with Moms was a proud, somewhat insecure woman, following dad wherever he went And taking care of his ass, never taking no shit from nobody but him I can tell how I've been treating women is very similar Damn, I catch myself looking like a bootleg version of my dad Only thing keeping me standing is the dream of someday surpassing Not the man, but the ideologies that are limiting my greatest potential Hence the reason I try to go against everything he wanted Prostitution, drug abuse, except for murder, name it, I've done it all I come from a stable house with all the stable foundations destroyed Coming up the son of a preaching man, taking me detours to piece my life together And actually become a man At least I still am, failing, dusting it off, and trying again Coming up the son of a preaching man, taking me detours to piece my life together And actually become a man At least I still am, failing, dusting it off, and trying again And again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again And again And again, and again, and again, and again, and again