Time Lost

To anybody that's ever been in my circle I just wanna say that I apologize if I hurt you Lord willing we can start healing But I understand if you not willing, no hard feelings I just gotta get my feelings off my chest, had a lot of things I had to process Sometimes I thought if I'd just die, everyone could make progress But I digress, I'm not just, anybody I'm a Black Man, I'm Toya husband, I'm Jarvis, Jordan, and Brilyn father I'm Cheryl son, her baby boy, Ron lil bro if y'all didn't know Been a while since I tapped in, but you forever my nigga tho We fall out over petty shit, always forgive and forget it tho Need something, just hit my line, I'll be right there with the pick and roll Can't make up for that time lost tho And if time is money I paid the cost yo Ugh I was 22 when my Pop's died, I wanted more time, life wasn't fair Reality is that I had time, and when he needed me, I still wasn't there He was going through at the hospital he was in and out When that doctor said he had 6 months, I was in denial, kept living how I been living, wasn't thinking bout tryna kick it with him, I was trippin out Like not him, not my Pop's, he a Superhero, he'll figure it out But he didn't tho, and damn I miss him And everyday I wish I could go back and do things different But I can't make up for that time lost, had to wake up and stop dreaming My girl pregnant, she due in May, that's the motivation I needed I was going hard with this music shit, so hard I was getting fired from Every job, something gotta shake, man I swear to God Insecurities creeping in, how I'm 'sposed to take care of my seed Can't survive off minimum wage, they deserve much better than me Relationship already strained, cuz I was doing shows like every night And I'm in the studio every day, she feel neglected and lead astray I feel like she not supportive, music is my heartbeat I feel empty when I'm not recording, why are my needs not important Now we not on one accord, we so divided And all the attention I was getting went straight to my head, not surprising That I'd f*ck up a good thing, it was a matter of time Looking for something I already had at home, but never could find If I could rewind, I'd take back Your heart and keep it safe, in fact, I'd put it in a safe that can't be cracked And your trust I would never break that, but it's too late The damage is done, you living in pain, I'm feeling the shame, what have I become Took you awhile to take me back but you can't even look at me now, family putting me down Every suspicion you getting you throwing the book at me now, wow This can't be healthy, but it can't be helped Ain't always about what's real, it's about what's felt Now I get that, I fucked up, I admit that And I gotta live with that, not matter the effort I put in to fix that I can't make up for that lost time tho And I'm talking to anybody that I've crossed, I take the blame, it's my fault And I apologize for the pain I've caused yo And if time is money I paid the cost yo