Accountability

It was the choices that I made The ignorance that I displayed The experiences that I considered a loss and not a lesson It was me reentering a space that was deemed flammable And forgetting that I was the Lighted match that ignited the flames It was me in the middle of chaos Looking directly at the exit sign But choosing to stay because I have been so sheltered in pain And not covered in peace That when safety presented itself to me I hesitated because how can I hold on to something That I never cared for in the first place There I was plucking the feathers of my wings Then placing blame on everything but myself For not being able to fly Screaming for help But still covering my mouth with my hands So no one can hear my cry There I was pleading for my scars to heal But yet peeling off its scabs There I was crying myself to sleep Praying that it would stop because I was running out of tissue But yet rolling over wrapping myself in the Arms of the root of the problem It was me accepting the feeling of rejection And not welcoming anything greater than that It was me clinging on to my tragedies and not letting go Because I didn't know who I was without them It was me avoiding a mirror out of fear Of not being able to recognize What or who was looking back at me It was the shame of me accepting defeat And allowing my negative thoughts Of who I was become my reality It was me placing the power in the hands of another And expecting them to properly Hold the weight of my world When they couldn't carry the weight of their own It was me trying to open my eyes to see a new thing But forgetting I still had a blindfold on I had allowed myself to feel so small That I left no room to be human again I had become a spiritless functioning dysfunction There was no life left in me I had nothing left to lose See...when you have nothing left to lose You become desperate to feel something To pick you back up again I had two choices... To suffer and die Or to heal and live And then something happened... The same mirror I avoided Was the same mirror that saved me I now see that it was me who had the map to healing It was right in front of me, but I didn't have the key to drive ...I lacked accountability See...I wanted to heal But I never did what I needed In ordered to obtain it To feel it To own and secure it ...I lacked desire For so long I stood motionless In the midst of the smoke Rather than fighting my way Through the flames Seeking fresh air of redemption ...I lacked strength I held on to the lack there of Because I didn't know where I would land So... I continued free falling Because how could I understand The process of healing If I never experienced it... It took some time for me to realize That I was truly the stumbling block Of my own expansion of a greater being That I am the lock and the key to all things Considered to guide me into the paved road Of my prewritten destiny The only problem is Will I continue to let accountability Be my friend... Or turn it into my enemy again... Hey, accountability... it's me