Closed-Eyed

I'm exhausted I think I've lost it Voices inside my head tell me I'm toxic Said I got you, but there's something 'bout way you sound Maybe the voice is telling me I shouldn't be around Isn't the first time, heard a white lie I don't know what I can't see That's why I'm closed-eyed Lie in bed to fall asleep, so I can't think of ways On why I don't deserve the love even on better days Breathe in the smoke of my anxiety Fueling curiosity ends Swallow the pill of your intentions Relieving all the tensions I have I realize now that I wasn't who I wanted to be And I live with that every single day and question Whether I deserve to love or even be loved I'm exhausted by the way I feel Something tells me I can't change my thoughts or how I heal I look at you and think that maybe I can find a new but I fight against my inner thoughts that say we aren't true yet I live inside a world where I'm the bad guy Tear you down because mind's on the wrong side Blind myself to my thoughts to find place to hide I'm sick and tired of constantly being closed-eyed Opening's the hardest part Found the key but that don't mean that I know where to start Sit in silence for the times that I don't know the words Fall asleep to all my wishes I don't see the hurt You say to be strong for the both of us But what if I'm not Pull us both into a rut when I Drink a little too much I'm too young to decide See another good night with you by my side I'm not wrong if I keep myself closed-eyed Breathe in the smoke of my anxiety Fueling curiosity ends Swallow the pill of your intentions Relieving all the tensions I have