Letter 2 my first born

I can't believe it's happened again Just when I thought I had it all sorted I exploaded and lost my daughter in the processs This sertraline had me walking around in circles Searching for a purpose 5 Months in my gaff anxious and nervous It's mad this the kid didn't deserve this 200 Milligram made me emotionless Thought I could just stop What a silly plan man now as a dad I'm feeling hopeless I hate myself why am I so furious Meds can't stop the smell of open flesh I'm still not well heads still a mess Holes in the walls knuckles are swollen Shattered glass on the floor battered and broken Spanish feds in the room are you joking 7 Of them strapped up as the sun rose in the morning Complexed ptsd is a Joke ting You hurt the ones you love the most My baby girls looks like she's seen a ghost Now I'm sat on my own with a blade to my throat I'm so easily prevoked heads smoked 7 Years been ignored No remedy This is self theropy expressing memories On a melody 2 be a better me Or am in the gym trying to get myself ahead of me At sunset I stair in2 horizon Hiding the brightness flash from the lighter Because a Taliban sniper eyes on us like a vizier And a threat of an insider inside the wire You had to have eyes in the back of ya head You would only have to blink twice and ya might of Been dead On a flight home in a box or missing a leg My heads a mess Living life on edge Constantly alert sub consciously Prepered for the worse Explosions and Gun fire in bursts Improvised explosive devices in the dirt Designed to put British troops in a hurse One time a little girl stood in the wrong place At the wrong time Unforgettable images Decapated limbs business That scream from the little Girls voice still lingers Around in my head round and round again Still feel the brain I to push bk in his head But some things ya see ya just can't forget Some feelings in dreams still make me sweat Most times my heads full of regret And I can't rest like what's gna happen next Antonia am not making excuses We've not spoke for weeks am not used to this Your my best friend I know I acted ludicrous I'm so sorry let me de fuse the switch Your my oxygen without you I can't breathe It's like the leafs a falling of the family tree We used to sing you and I by bru c And you know I pick you up when ya moody I love you Yano this And without you I'm losing my focus Remember on block bars When I said the bond with my kids is priceless Daughters kid but her words r the wisest Well without your voice nothing else matters 1 Argument in 15 years my hearts shattered I will just wait for the dust 2 settle All this trauma for this dusty medal I've got the bass balance but treble I'm stuck at boiling point with no kettle I miss her gorgeous face and freckles