An Endless Loop

I'm on the edge looking down From this distance the figures are blurred on the ground A sense of shame that I can't quantify I broke every promise, I told every lie I know something is fucked up inside of my mind And I'm not sure I can do better next time It's alright, It's ok, You don't have to wait I feigned confidence and promised I'd be fine But what I meant was that I don't like me inside So I pretend it's not inherent and doesn't define me Oh god, I wish that was what I believed It's days like this that I am a shade that I wish that I weren't Ruminating over things until they hurt My mother's praying to Theresa for sure But I'm not sure that there is a cure I feigned confidence and promised I'd be fine But what I meant was that I don't like me inside So I pretend it's not inherent and doesn't define me Oh god, I wish that was what I believed Even breathing can feel defeating With compounding thoughts of loss and no sense of hope Concentration weaponized An endless loop of things I can't seem to describe I flipped the tape, I cut the line But I can't seem to change the way that I still feel inside