why am i drowning?

I'm not loving the music, hate life and I don't wanna do shit I don't wanna lose it, but it's already gone I'm clueless Feel like it's bruising, my mental don't know where the screw is I need you, I need time, I need two things I don't wanna think about, all the stuff, that's getting me down But I know you'll stick around, no matter the dough you'll be down F*ck, I feel beat down, to be honest, I just wanna see now All this work pay off, get real now. Still have that, dream how? Depressed as f*ck, everytime I try to run, I get stuck, feel like I'm in the mud Just wanna feel your love, it's a buzz, it's why I be on drugs, look I don't wanna move on, cause it's too long Need to write a new song, but I'm down, so just get the blues on I'm done, I don't wanna be here, I try my best to stay clear From the pain, it's not getting easier, only fucking thing I see is fear Of failure, wish I was braver, maybe then I would stay here But, every single day hurts, didn't know, it could get way worse The loneliness is killing me, all the pain, is still in me Depression instills in me, I feel the darkness filling me It's like, I don't even know meself But I don't wanna take no help I just wanna go somewhere else Anywhere, that I don't know so well The loneliness is killing me, all the pain, is still in me Depression instills in me, I feel the darkness filling me It's like, I don't even know meself But I don't wanna take no help I just wanna go somewhere else Anywhere, that I don't know so well I'm looking down, and I'm up so high It look so peaceful, I don't know why But I swear, it's where I wanna go tonight Just wanna know what the flow's like I want it to take me away I can feel it everyday Hear a voice in my brain It tells me, I don't even wanna say But, I don't even want to stay I should go with the waves I feel cold I don't want to feel this way To be honest, I don't wanna be so sane The sound of the waves possesses me Falling the water, caresses me Lungs full up, it's embedding in me Feels like, I got left in a dream Naw, I don't wanna feel like this I don't wanna be lifeless But, don't know if I can fight this F*ck, think I need guidance Think I need love, think I need God Don't wanna think, just shut it off I'm losing hope, wish I was strong Don't really wanna go, I just feel lost Devil is here, he talks in my ear Feeds on my fear, pretend I can't hear The end must be near, cause I can see clear Not going anywhere, I'm staying here I feel the hope, I'm coming home Not letting go, keep hold of the rope I'm at the bottom, talk about autumn Not gonna fall, but I do have some problems The loneliness is killing me, all the pain, is still in me Depression instills in me, I feel the darkness filling me It's like, I don't even know meself But I don't wanna take no help I just wanna go somewhere else Anywhere, that I don't know so well