Ode to Cricket

My heart is shot My liver is fried I can only see Out of one eye My blood pressure's high My belly is huge Everything aches I barely can move At least I'm not Kristi Noem's dog At least I'm not Kristi Noem's dog I can't point a bird I can't bring in the herd Thank God I ain't Kristi Noem's dog My prostate's the size of a basketball I can barely go pee at all My best days are over my talent is spent Perhaps I should run for President At least I'm not Kristi Noem's dog At least I'm not Kristi Noem's dog I can't point a bird I can't bring in the herd Thank God I ain't Kristi Noem's dog That merciless rebel truly believes Shooting a puppy is a sure way to please The radical masses that will get out and vote For a gun toting mama that likes to kill goats I grew up on a farm I had hunting dogs Some of them would not hunt at all Some were frustrating to live with and yet We didn't shoot them we just called them pets. At least they weren't Kristi Noem's dogs At least they weren't Kristi Noem's dogs They wouldn't point a bird They couldn't bring in the herd Thank God they weren't Kristi Noem's dogs In a pit they'd lie dead Being shot it the head If they were Kristi Noem's dogs