Shattered & Broken As I Lived

I no longer believe in tomorrow The light that I long for retreats Spending my days in sorrow My crawling ahead, the darkness deletes Forward slog through monotony The days turn ever greyer Banal as life in lobotomy Happiness fleeting and rare I long to have the knowledge of The reason for which I'm forced to be Nobody answers from above Absence and shadow in ubiquity Words could not ever explain The guilt I feel grows for all of my days The voices within all wish me pain I scream for the light but there are no more rays There is no hope / For my soul I grab the rope / And tie it to the pole I see who I've been / As my eyelids shut As my breaths end And my thread of life is cut Brought onto Earth / Against my will Devoid of worth / No purpose to fulfill At birth, we scream and thrash our limbs Dying, I'm silent, stiff, and sanguine No more time for me to wait For this life I have pursued My own end I must create For this nightmare to conclude Taut is the rope around my nape Soon my soul should be free Into the void I shall escape Not one more second spent in agony Memories play before my death Of one day, what I could be My body should neither have taken a breath Nor opened its eyes to see Who I was crumbles into sand My hope falls through the sieve The coarse grains lay in my hands Shattered and broken as I lived There is no hope / For my soul I grab the rope / And tie it to the pole I see who I've been / As my eyelids shut As my breaths end And my thread of life is cut Brought onto Earth / Against my will Devoid of worth / No purpose to fulfill At birth, we scream and thrash our limbs Dying, I'm silent, stiff, and sanguine I'm not strong enough to continue like this My mind is gone and it's never coming back I can't eat, sleep, or even live without the most intense self-hatred I wish I could have been stronger I wish I could have been someone But the man you knew is already long gone It's been over for years This is the only way to make things right I beg of you, the universe Allow this wretched husk to return to you And allow this journey of self-loathing to conclude