Confessions

The first time I felt horny, I was nine Watching Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat On my 21st birthday, I got so drunk I threw up on a car A cop car My ex-boyfriend has been staying with my on my couch While he's in between apartments And sometimes I fart in his pillow when he's not around I made my mime teacher so mad, she yelled at me Until very recently, I did not know Stevie Wonder was blind I thought glasses were just his "thing" When I was eleven, I attempted to have sex with a bowling ball It was the thumbhole It was abandoned shortly afterwards I woke up one morning at a sailing teammates' house Having lost my pants and broken their TV while blackout drunk the night before I found my pants, but my dignity has not been seen since In the third grade we had to dress up as our heroes for school full assembly There was George Washington, MLK, Walt Disney, etc. But for some reasons, I was John Cougar Mellencamp I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop I hooked up with a These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all that I can say My chick on the side said she got one on the way These are my confessions Man, I'm throwed, and I don't know what to do Guess I gotta give you part two of my confessions If I'm gonna tell it, then I gotta tell it all Damn near cried when I got that phone call I'm so throwed, I don't know what to do But to give you part two of my confessions Part two of confessions I once witnessed my friend fart into her boyfriend's hand While they were cuddling And then he made her pancakes It was then that I knew that was the relationship I wanted Then I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop I hooked up with a man named Bus Stop