Nothing to Wake Up For

Every day's a warzone I didn't enlist for Alarms ring, I just lie there on the floor Eyes open but I'm barely here Just a shell in a small-town sphere They want degrees, careers, a polished face But I'm stuck in my own headspace The world spins, I stay still Take a pill and fake the will They talk about goals, I talk about sleep They build their lives, I dig mine deep And the deeper I go, the less I feel Is this numbness even real? I don't cry, I don't shout I just shut the whole world out They say I'm young, got time to grow But they don't see the undertow Nothing to wake up for No fight left like before I'm breathing, but that's all This life just feels too small And maybe it's my fault, or maybe I'm just tired Of living a script I never desired My parents smile, say "we did our best" But I wear the weight of their unspoken tests Every dream I chase, they own Like I'm building them a second home They say, "you'll thank us when you're older" But I just grow colder and colder You gave me life like a gift wrapped tight Then asked me to carry it through the night I'm not a prodigy, not your plan I'm just a kid trying to understand Why I exist, why I care Why I wake up to the same old stare Nothing to wake up for No voices I ignore No flame inside my chest No goals that make me rest I know I should want more, but what if this is it? What if I'm just someone who doesn't fit? You ever feel like everyone's running And you're just frozen, heartbeat numbing? Like every word you say's rehearsed And even smiling somehow hurts? They say, "open up," but they don't stay Say, "ask for help," then walk away So I talk to walls and not to friends What's the point? It never ends I scroll through lives I'll never lead Watch perfect faces, feel them bleed Inside my mind, I scream, I spin But outside, I just let them win Happiness, sadness, don't know the taste It's all just noise, and I feel erased Don't wanna die, but don't wanna try Don't wanna speak, but I can't lie And I know this sounds dramatic But my thoughts are problematic They loop like static prayer Whispering "you're not really there" Nothing to wake up for No promises in store No reason, no reward No finish line, no scoreboard If this is life, then what's the game? And why's it always filled with shame? Maybe I'll scream one day, just to feel the sound Maybe I'll run before I hit the ground Or maybe I'll sit, like always before Breathing in… With nothing to wake up for