A Sail of Two Titties: Director's Cut Remix

Seven o'clock in the evening And the stormy sea it shakes me I'm slippin' and fallin' On the deck as we sail the sea And a voice yells "We're fucked, me lads" from the crow's nest Then a midget climbs down and says to me A lightning strike has hit the mast Now I've got this dumb look on my face Like what can I do How could I been so stupid to sail in this awful storm I didn't watch the sky I was drinking too much wine Now sails began to glow And our mast next go Here I am quickly trying to put out these flames Searching for a bucket To try to stop the blaze But there was no fighting it The sails were burned away I looked around at the crew I said we are fucked either way Said how the f*ck we gonna get home They said what's that down there Sailor's now pay attention But they'd spied a mermaid with a big brassiere What. the. f*ck Hurry up and get my scope I said maybe that busty mermaid Can lift up our hopes I said mermaid, do you have a name She said, everybody calls me Victoria I think I can help you by loaning you my corset For this bustier should catch the wind And get you out of this jam Run it up the rig and before long You will sail again The she reached out and tossed the bra A Lane Bryant or a Maidenform One thing is for certain This mermaid had some big jibbooms I tied it to a rope And soon it was discovered That left cup of the bra was larger than the other Ran it up the mizzenmast And tied the ropes off Looked to the foremast like What the f*ck is going on I could hardly believe it But the ship was sailing on Next thing you know Our clipper ship began it's journey home I tried my best not to prematurely celebrate But those big ol' tittles Pert near made me ejaculate I jumped up and said Victoria Thanks for the bra This will be our little secret And she's like That's cool, just please be sure to return it We sailed for days and days Until we reached our port I said Lads, I figgered us for dead The said f*ck yeah, that's for sure The people onshore kept staring At our incredible sails These great big bazooms That were catching a gale We passed the no wake zone Then into the Harbor We delivered our cargo Just under the wire With a sail of two titties With a sail of two titties It's the sail of two titties Damn, a sail of two titties