A Sail of Two Titties

On a dark stormy night We ploughed the salt sea Our good ship was rocked And struck by lightning The fiery bolt Destroyed our mainmast And burned up our sails Right down to the last When morning came All hope had taken flight Feared we'd be dead Under a fortnight Adrift at sea With no way to catch wind And now you see Our story begins A ship without sails ain't no ship all When we called out for help, no one heard our call Til a mermaid named Victoria came a-swimmin' near And that big, busty mermaid wore a big old brassiere The brassiere was giant As a brassiere could be Do they have a Lane Bryant Under the sea? She unclasped her band To reveal her maiden form With bosoms so grand I'd forgotten the storm She pledged her support And tossed me the bra Victoria's Secret! What is it for? She said "sport up the rig And hoist it to the sky At the first gust of wind You'll surely know why "It's a Sail of Two titties to carry you ashore One cup at the aft, one at the fore" We'd almost lost hope that we'd ever see land But the Sail of Two titties lifted our hopes again We worked in the rigging And it took us all night For the left sail was bigger Than the one on the right We were glad to toil And not be cast away Oh that sea cow had saved us With her huge bustier We pushed up the jib And began to sail on Then we strapped in the main To race'er back home Our spirits'd sagged So we raised our cups higher Our cargo was delivered Just under the wire The people on shore disbelieved what they saw An old clipper ship with the sails made of bra Saved by a mermaid with a bountiful rack And her Sail of Two titties that carried us back We'd almost lost hope that we'd ever see land But the Sail of Two titties lifted our hopes again