The Ballad of the Captains of the Head

Captains of the Head is what they call us We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor We'll come to your town to clean all your toilets Drink you under the table, and f*ck all your whores My name's Don River, I was born in the Southland Downstream from Cunt River where cocksuckers grow Raised by wolves and played in the salt mines Learned sex from a hooker with 3 extra holes Set sail one day after visiting Sea World Fucked a broad that looked like Shamu I'm a Captain of the Head so you better salute me Or I'll stab your blowhole with my big pink harpoon Captains of the Head is what they call us We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor Conceived on a hump day & born on Fat Tuesday Breastfed by our mothers until we were four My name is Gar, I was born in the Westland From the Cult of Blue Oyster, I carry the mark Performed as a queen and sang for Churchill The only thing that I won't f*ck is a shark How I'd love to take you out to a gay bar But I'd rather squeeze this here box I'm a Captain of the Head, so you better salute me And I hope that you like sniffin' coke off a cock Captains of the Head is what they call us We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor The greatest band from Key West to Detroit From Dublin to Nassau but who's keeping score My name is Rod, I was born in the Eastland I always speak softly and carry a big cock The son of Rocco, I was born to wander Makin' women bow legged after we f*ck Lived the Pub Life with a pirate named Strangler Whip my Snake Out once in awhile I'm Captain of the Head so you'd better salute me Or your mother and sister are getting defiled Captains of the Head is what they call us We can sing, we can dance, we can f*ck on the floor We can eat all the pussy from here to China And a half hour later we'll be hungry for more And a half hour later we'll be hungry for more