Watering Holes

This bar is new and so are you So I'll gladly fill you in I've had plenty of tabs and poon like Ahab My fiery dart of sin I've heard it all, I've done even worse I drink but I'm never full Plenty of ales lead to plenty of tales In some dirty watering hole Harvery Wallbanger Caught a case of stankfanger In a room with a red-headed slut When it was done He said boys, it was fun But I prefer banging studs in their butts Harv gets behind any stud he can find He hammers and pounds for days Call out for more, he'll tongue and groove the back door Double hung and swinging both ways Idly,-Idly-eh, we f*ck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we f*ck all the night My ex-f*ck Tess works in the mess Serving drinks but boys always want more She says life was far simpler when it was slippery nipples Now my blowjobs are all they ask for If not one, then it's ten, then it's hundreds of men Lined up in front of the bar She'll service each man as fast as she can Then they stick their tip in her jar Good news from the crew on the Tullamore Dew A man named Richard now captains their ship They call him Whiskey Dick, 'cause he's soft, but a prick Yet he maintains a stiff upper lip When attempting to fill yours, it's like playing billiards With a length of rope So the crew has to milk him by way of his rectum Now they call that a Tullamore don't Idly,-Idly-eh, we f*ck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we f*ck all the night Shirley Temple was hot so I gave her a shot Though in years you could say she was late I fucked her Grey Goose but it shook her soul loose That was our expiration date My brass monkey was urgin' for I hear she was virgin Spritely, wet, and sweet Well I gave her a taste but it wasn't the case I found her as stiff as could be Did you know the sweat from Dolly's breasts Is said to be called Mountain Dew Though I prefer Coke, I still gave them a poke And found that the legend was true Her jugs were all sticky and covered in hickies With a tattoo that read Porter was here With a syrupy hand she expressed my swollen gland Now they call that a soda jerk Idly,-Idly-eh, we f*ck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we f*ck all the night You know Gar likes Malort when he's out of port Carousing with his favorite whore A snifter a day of her rosy bouquet Helps to clean up his pours And Don has no class, that terrible ass His favorite drink represents him Zug Island iced tea, as fresh as can be Garnished with a pube on the rim The worst of the bunch is what Rod does for lunch Three olives straight up his ass With his south mouth, he wolfs it all down Then takes a shit in the glass Now cleaning the head, is a job it is said And a shittier job you won't find You can work all day, removing the stains But you'll never stop getting behind Idly,-Idly-eh, we f*ck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we f*ck all the night I schanpped at your peach. We had sex on the beach I drank down all your squirt Your ocean spray ran down my face Wet like a child after birth I licked your fuzzy navel, under the table Put a screwdriver up in your cunt Then I sucked it out neat, like a pup at a teat As you expelled it with relish and spunk Now the clock has stuck 2, last call has come through And this watering hole is closed Chug down some ale as we laugh and regale While pausing to powder our nose So drink up me hearties, it's the end of the party But the real fun's about to begin It's adios, motherfucker, bend over and pucker For we won't be coming again Idly,-Idly-eh, we f*ck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we f*ck all the night Idly,-Idly-eh, we f*ck and we drink all the day Idly-Idly-aye, then we drink and we f*ck all the night