The Order of Ridge Porter

Down The I-49 to Texarkana Headed on back from Mexico Listening to some radio channel Flying down the open road Look around for whatever I can see Lonely as can be Talk the ear of my invisible friend All the way over the Red River bend Ooh, Ooh Been driving now for way too long Listening to the same damn song Thought I was about to go dumb When I saw this fellow holding up his thumb Ooh, ooh So I slowed down And I said Listen here buddy What is it that you seek He said, I'm traveling for Montgomery Well that's a little out of my way, I replied But I can get you as far as Jackson today Ooh, ooh Two hours passed, not a word was said To be completely honest, I thought he might have gone to bed Driving through the dead of the night When all of a sudden this fellow starts babbling about his plight Or something like that, I wasn't really paying attention at the time Ooh, ooh Woo And then he said I praise the storm god Algoleth Spoken to us by a man named Ridge Porter I have been a faithful follower for many years now Trying to save as many souls as I can From the great storm that the great storm god Algoleth has prepared You can join this organization for a fee of $50 a month Covering you from all apocalyptic events Including the great storm from the great storm god Algoleth In order to be noticed and spared by the mighty storm god Algoleth You must wear one of these official Order of Ridge Porter t-shirts So the vengeful storm god knows that you know his good friend and confidant Ridge Porter Words can't really describe the look of shock, awe, and confusion upon my face at the time But it looked a little something like this And then I made this face And then this face right here And then this face And that's pretty, yeah, that's how it looked Well, needless to say, I lose $50 a month And I can't wait to get my hands on one of those snazzy t-shirts And it's worth it all because $50 a month saved my soul