restroom doors

I like being a girl But I would rather be boy Not a boy who plays on the football team But a boy who runs in skirts and twirls I want short fluffy hair That my girlfriend can run her fingers through I want messy eyeliner And maybe some dad jeans too I like being feminine But not in the way girls are And I like being masculine But not in the way boys are I like feeling empowerment And I like being me my truth But how can I be true When I don't even know what door in the restroom to go through You see I don't think that i'm a boy But not a girl either I would rather have someone say sir Than miss or just let me please her They/them feels safe to me But I miss having masculine and femininity Gender is so confusing It's like a table twisting and turning Round and round And I just want to eat my dinner But I can't when the waiter doesn't know if they should call me miss or mister I want long pretty hair And to wear and suit and tie I want short fluffy hair And to wear skirts as colorful as the blue sky I don't know what I am Or what I want to go by And when the PE teacher says girls on this side boys on this side I just sit in the middle Looking like a fool I mean I don't know which one I am Now i'm feeling eyes of the whole school Just looking Wondering where i'll go Wondering why i'm not choosing my birth chromosome It's not as easy as that Identity and biological sex One you cannot change And one is flexible and bent I wanna be forced to shave my face every single morning I want someone to look at me and know that i'm gender non conforming I wanna be able to go out without transforming Into my true self is my identity annoying She she she it's so much easier to me I've been calling you your birth name since you were like three But you're a girl this just doesn't make sense to me It's just a phase you'll grow out of it guaranteed Try to understand how annoying it would be To wake up every day look in the mirror see the wrong identity Imagine you woke up with a beard and saw you had a hard on You would know that that isn't you that something was wrong I've had to live that everyday of my life Never feeling in place never feeling like a full girl or a guy It's hard not being able to look how you want to appear And societal standers make me feel like I shouldn't be here Like I was a mistake like i'm some alien form Like i'm not normal for not wanting to be what i was born But I was born like this just got the bodies mixed up There's a lot of choices when customizing your character and I kinda fucked up Being a girl is okay but it's just not me I mean sometimes I feel like i'm okay with she Identity is hard i'm still trying to find myself So let me check the box before you take the pen and check it yourself I like being a girl But I want to be a boy too It's just so hard When I can't even get up the courage to go through one door in the restroom