Suffocating

I don't know how I could fall so low People ask who I am And I say I don't know The man with a plan Got dealt a shitty hand And knocked down to the ground so much I'm afraid to stand Cuz every time I do I just fall back Cuz when things go good Others go bad I know life is about balance But I hate this act No surprise that negative Is where my mind state at Its hard for me to focus My mind just wanders I know this Aint ADHD I just over think Every thing that happens to me There's people that could really be riding for me But I'm jaded So I cant help but think they really have it out for me So many thoughts in my head I just cant think And the thought of losing me costs me sleep Cuz if I cant be myself what reason do I got to breathe Maybe this is what I need Voice my thoughts out loud To be heard by me A talk with myself Who knows me better than me? I'm curious Cuz I'm my own mystery Don't know if I'm drowning from the tears I've shed Or if I'm suffocating from her taking my breath The pain inside only proves that I'm alive I overcame it before I know I'll survive A battle rages Hate, fear, and sadness I've gone thru the stages Angry and anxious I be in my head so much Life just pass me by I watch as things happen Just asking why What a way to live I remember how I used to be What do I got to give? I don't feel like a use to me I really view this shit as therapy I aint kidding when I say Rap saved me So I vent on the beat Put out what I think Half the shit gets scrapped So you don't hear it from me I just need an outlet Opportunity To talk shit and scream Without causing a scene You know Let the demons out Clear thoughts out Say how much I hate myself Figure my flaws out I know people who would help But rather do this alone That's the problem We got those who help but don't call 'em Maybe this is what I need Voice my thoughts out loud To be heard by me A talk with myself Who knows me better than me? I'm curious Cuz I'm my own mystery Don't know if I'm drowning from the tears I've shed Or if I'm suffocating from her taking my breath The pain inside only proves that I'm alive I overcame it before I know I'll survive Got friends battling depression Others fighting suicide Others with anxiety Make them sit and just cry I hate myself each time I cant be at their side I know what its like to be alone In a world so cold Someone's arms who understands Fells like home Long as I'm alive You aint alone You need anything Hit my phone You know where I live come over Or I'll go to you Till the feels roll over I got two shoulders To help shift the weight over Its hard to hold the world solo Just please hold on It gets better over time Sometimes We really cant trust our own mind Gotta find the who or what That makes us feel this way And do everything we can To keep those triggers away Toxic relationship Stress depression Or a combination We can overcome it By changing our situation Maybe this is what we need Voice our thoughts out loud To be at peace A talk with ourselves Who knows us better than us? I'm curious Cuz we're our own mystery Don't know if we're drowning from the tears we've shed Or if we're suffocating from things taking our breath The pain inside only proves that we're alive We overcame it before I know we'll survive