Absent

I am lost in the absence of realness Imagine acting real but then having Visions, ideas up in the abstract, there's Questions to ask that I cannot grasp yet I am stuck in this knot It's tying me down don't want this We're in my own subconscious Why is there so much nonsense Thoughts clog my head I'm jarred A lost cause to fix my heart cuz Tossed Shards of traumas hit me I'm scarred, my fault I thought this I don't wanna leave what my life has been, comfort's Been a part of me, I fall back it seems all sorts Of realities come through me, I absorb Many different things, think I need to adjust more But I can't do it - Can't do it Yet I always keep moving - Keep moving I'm impulsively choosing What to do and I know it is confusing But I'm life's student I am lost in the absence of realness Imagine acting real but then having Visions, ideas up in the abstract there's Questions to ask that I cannot grasp yet I am stuck in this knot It's tying me down don't want This, we're in my own subconscious Why is there so much nonsense? Thoughts clog my head I'm jarred A lost cause to fix my heart cuz Tossed Shards of traumas hit me I'm scarred, my fault I thought this I've been thinking for too long Don't know how to stop it My thoughts are super sharp, yet they're often plotless And they're the shards that cause all this trauma nonsense Cuz they plow up all garbage I've fostered while farming Reflective pain (Pane) to my eyes It's an insane way of life So many hooks inside my brain await with bait for a line That makes me enticed Like Hey I can painstakingly try To pave lanes with pride That way they will stay grey till I die I hate to comply And all I see is shame on road signs I sway on the lines, it's no surprise when there ain't no lights My eye sight went blind, so now I guess it's time to decide Do I stray and disguise or do I defy and arise