Longyearbyen

What does it take to uproot a flowerbed? To give away your childhood? To live in solitude and still, still, still feel your pulse In our brief lives I was cruel to you Selfish, vindictive, frenzied A cigarette burn Curare through the dark in the windy halls Just like a death Just like a death in the dream of summer Underneath the bloodshot moon And you're well-prepared, you always have been To be called on by the autumn To live in sorrow like you swore that you would do You would seed the swelling clouds If it would just bring back the rain But oh my friend, it can never rain the same So, what does it take to hold that knife in your hand? To tell yourself you're not alive To see the wolf cub's eyes and still, still, still believe in trust Well, call me the idiot For in my time I have dished it out I have wrapped you in silver, wrapped you in seaweed Left you to hemorrhage with cholera on the street Ripped sleeves, poison oak, fireworks Pale ovaries, follicles, and spleens And all the helpless, aching loneliness instructing you to cling Or to drown beneath the stretching green I used to wish there could be a split Between those you kill and those you carry So I could hem your t-shirt, darn your socks, die with dignity I could atone for the bitter hermit I had been And leave a smear upon the sky One more work of graffiti you would never see "I hope you're happy now I hope you never really loved me" The last time I ever saw you All you said was "God, you've changed" I couldn't be the bigger man Couldn't be the bigger man, so I walked away Please tell your family the walls are only settling When the house begins to shake Such envy, so afraid of loss So deathly afraid of shame