Elephant In The Room

Yeah I guess I gotta cut the tension And face the music, this shouldn't be the place to do it But I don't wanna run from questions, like What happened in March Like I made a whole song and that wasn't mentioned, but I gotta add more to the story I won't say this shit again, pay the f*ck attention Cuz it's been a year and nothing changed Nothin helps with the pain I fucking lose it when I see her name I ain't the same, she ain't the same But I hear she's doing well And I don't know how, if I knew how I turned out Would I slit my throat back when I had the chance Because my fucking life became a backup plan, I don't know I probably would It's hard for me to think about a time I was good And then I met a woman and she did what she could But then she couldn't handle everything no one should And I, ain't, mad at ya It's all that I know, it's out of control Why would I cover my scars let em show Maybe you'll see what's so hard to let go I just want the benefit, of the doubt I won't hear the end of it, it's so loud I don't wanna estimate, my detriment's, my deficit No way out, maybe death is it So lemme clear this up It was never her fault, and I wish she could tell I ain't lucky I survived, I can't live with myself And I don't think this'll help Cuz now I don't feel Now I don't cry Now I can't heal Now I can't die I ain't the same Look in my eyes I'm still alive I don't know why 25 and God won't let me die But you can if ya tell me that I'm here for a reason Lost 7 units of blood in the whip And my Mom had to clean it Now she can't fucking sleep til I come come home Traumatized, all of my friends from what I know Maybe that's the reason that none of us are as close And that's why they don't call, how the f*ck would I know I don't hear shit from who kept me alive They made sure that I was, and left me to die My boy Shawn killed himself, if he survived He couldn't push me away, he would be here today And my best friend Kenny cut him down from the noose I still remember when I found out the news He ain't been the same since, he was fucked in the first place Year goes by I almost died on his birthday They were tryna hospitalize me for a month Then corona came around, they were stitching me up Out in 5 days, they stopped giving a f*ck, and so did I I'm too familiar wit regret I look in the mirror and I see a silhouette I been fighting for my life ever since When I lose the fight, then this song is what you get You can hear it in my voice, I just sound different I don't talk about my pain cuz I drowned in it I don't have an option nothin left I can do And now they wanna talk about the elephant in the room, but there's a mouse in it Yeah But there's a mouse in it Cuz now I don't feel Now I don't cry Now I can't heal Now I can't die I ain't the same Look in my eyes I'm still alive I don't know why