Russian Roulette

I just put one in the chamber I been tryna end it all Got my back against the wall You needa know it was never ya fault Why would I spin the revolver when I got it Fully loaded I won't sugarcoat it if it's duly noted You don't know the fuckin half of it This is everything I have from it I was tryna get a bag from it Now I'm never comin back from it All I wanted was some separation Knowin death is waitin round the corner shit is like a destination Let me die with no investigation Cuz I put the demon into demonstration Wait It's gettin harder to breathe I never thought I deserved it but they want me dead So I guess they got somethin in common wit me How can I sleep when it's all that I dream I tried to end it in Summer 16 I used to front like there's nothin to see Now I'm sick in the head til I'm fucking deceased I ain't do shit about it til I sobered up and I was even worse I used to say that I got it bad Until I figured out I fuckin need it worse What I gave up wasn't reimbursed I won't be alive to see the percs I ain't wrappin this is bandages My disadvantage is causin the damages Nowadays I'm bleedin through it I just been feelin like I needa do it I used to shed a tear and keep it movin But now it's so easy to lose it How the f*ck can I be suicidal and just wanna die in every song Then threaten anyone who wants to hurt me I been doin that shit all along, I need to know How can I live in the past when a lot of shit Changed, since then Ain't been the same, since then I'm been afraid, since then I got this shame, since then I took the blame, since then Everything made, sense then That's the reason that I had enough and nothin's Addin up enough to back it up If you ever see me actin up That's how I hide my feelins I won't pass it up I been waitin for this mo, ment Ain't no tellin where my soul, went I remember tryna blow out my brains And the fuckin gun was never load, ed I can't lose it if I never had it I just thought that I was gettin better at it If you think that shit will ever happen Then ya reachin for it like Inspector Gadget Cuz I'm just an addict, f*ck 2 Years sober cuz I'm terrified 2 Years sober cuz I'm scared to die But if was scared to try, then where am I I needa know where I'm at But I never found it out I know some of y'all are countin on me But I'm way too busy countin down Everything's gettin scary, I ain't gettin buried, cuz I missed it barely Shoulda been in the obituary, but that ship has sailed just like I missed the ferry If I'm whinin get the cork F*ck it I can't be ignored Til the day that I'm a corpse Let me get it from the source Cuz that's all I can afford I need to know how much time I got left How can I live when I stress over death I'm coppin out I can't give it arrest If I see 30 then I'll be impressed Pick up the phone cuz I know you know who to call I'm not terrified to lose at all I'm just terrified to lose it all I think I'm stuck in regret I think I'm done wit the threats If you don't know why I'm fuckin upset It's because I can't even win russian roulette