My Own Pace

I just wanna go at my own pace What do you want from me I don't got to much to give no more Sometimes I wish that I'd just hit the floor Tired of putting on a fake smile Just so I can fake a laugh for a little while I been caught up with these messages That I've forgot to message friends Loved ones And even then it all might end F*ck this man I just wanna go back in time when everything was fine And when it felt like everything was on my side of the line The ones that know me the most don't know me at all I really should give 'em all a call But when I do my anxiety grows bigger than Kamala Khan I feel like I'm bothering them even though they call me all the time I hope they all hear this rhyme I don't want to be a burden but I feel like I am all the time Don't want to drag you down But I guess it's a side effect of just being around I don't wanna look at my own face I never want to see it again If life's a race then I Give up I'll go at my own pace Go at my own pace My own pace Some nights I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling Hoping and praying for some relief and some healing But it never comes and my mind starts racing again Thats what got me in this place I'm hated again On the outside I look happy and cheerful But on the inside I feel crappy and tearful I miss when I was equally happy inside and out But last year happened and all that has died out Bleeding on every line I can't escape what came into my mind I don't want to die I just want to feel alive Never been suicidal Come to think of it thoughts like that have never been very vital I used to hide all of my pain but now I'm letting it all go And I promise that none of it is just for a show This is a I don't wanna look at my own face I never want to see it again If life's a race then I Give up I'll go at my own pace Go at my own pace My own pace