selfie

Pops used to say he saw himself in my eyes Philippine eagle; wings clipped before he even entered his prime Every lesson in life came with unspoken pressure to fly Scolded for talking back, belt buckle bruise to my side He said, "Let go them grudges, they gon' consume all your mind" I saw him let go most his friends cause they wasn't down for the ride Got a tendency to keep my love close, my hurt even closer I could never put myself first, but I'm improving with time My mom would say a prayer before she left us at night Terrified of the future but words can be a clever disguise These days I'm speaking with no belief left in the sky City lights drowning the stars, I'm not expecting a sign She sent me a message wondering if I was dead or alive Try my best to stay connected while I'm still severing ties Taking photos in self-reflections I don't recognize Shooting portraits of myself that I been desperate to find Shooting portraits of myself that I been desperate to find My lola wrote in her letters that she believed in my soul I wonder if she knew me today would she See my demons exposed There was a comfort in the silence when we would speak on the phone We'd barely breathe the same language so I'll just leave it in poems Every season growing past the inherited need to be stoic Been feeling lost in the brokeness, compass does not know where home is I been reaching for moments of finding peace in aloneness Got my foot in some doors, I been leaving them open Still got faces that haunt me and them places that cost me Had some phases I lost me, on some days when I'm not me Apologies for strained relations that I paid with my body Heart breaks at corner cafes, I still stayed for the coffee Can't escape the mistakes that I'd exhaled from my body If you walked alongside me, our feet still paved in the concrete Taking selfies documenting all the changes life brought me Keep that image arm's length cause only myself can stop me Keep that image arm's length cause only myself can stop me