Lies

Yeah I think I'm finally figuring myself out After all this time doubting myself now I think I'm finally figuring myself out I think I'm finally figuring myself out, yeah I think I'm finally figuring myself out Echoes of passions finally spreading out now I think I'm finally figuring myself out Yeah... yeah, yeah I think I finally figured out what I want Dreams of making music always persuaded me Used to play around on the keyboard just meddling with melodies All of the possibilities unfolding upon me Hanging around in the orchestra room during the summer My teacher sitting on her chair while I get some volunteer work done Sit down afterward near the piano and start improv-ing a track She appeared from behind the desk with the sense that it appealed to her "What song are you playing?" she says Tell her it's just made up on the spot And as I respond she has this look that appears she's got to let me know about something The music theory class I took it as a sort of embrace that she genuinely thought that it was an actual song Not just some mumbled sounds, but a uniquely made recorded song After I play her back some melodies she eagerly wants me to join the class Told her at that time I'm not sure and I wanted to pass up the opportunity But she wanted me to give it a chance Couldn't believe that she believed in me and my skills All the doubt over time made me hesitant but I was willing to try So after summer time the kid with no lust for goals was persuaded with the bet on hold And he decided to choose the class just to see how it would uphold How it would uphold As the year went on I became more intrigued with the idea of composition Constantly working on some tracks would help ease my mind off of personal problems Eventually the choir teacher got ahold of me and figured I'd fit right in with their subject I objected at first, but eventually I joined and I surely did not regret it I did not regret it... at all I thought to myself that maybe I'll make something out of all of this Some time went on and I met this girl from the choir class who I thought was the greatest Same interests as myself, and had a good career in mind In my mind she had the best smile and attitude out of all the women I'd met at the time We started dating and fortunately I wasn't worrying too much on myself In fact she helped motivate me to continue pursuing my goal in life And said things that I surely thought were lies That I thought were lies But I rolled with it Eventually I believed in those lies and thought we were perfect together That nothing would stop us from prospering That nothing would stop us from prospering Two people with a goal planning to achieve them both It seemed like the perfect combination The perfect combination The perfect combination The perfect combination Even when we took a trip to California I thought we'd be perfect together But as we left we departed apart from each other And as we came back she began to distance herself when eventually it happened We broke up I couldn't believe it I was in shock Car ride to a program had me silent the whole ride there I was in denial I was in denial I started reminiscing all the good times we had Much like the trip to California Or flirting during our schools rendition of Annie Or seeing a musical together where we both held hands And I couldn't see at the moment what went wrong Started thinking with logic like maybe she's too busy Of course, of course She had to juggle with dancing, singing, a personal business and a musical coming up I kept thinking that was why I just kept thinking that was why I just kept thinking that must be why But that's when my mind acted up saying The absolute worst You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You are the worst person you have ever met You're too clingy You look horrendous Why are you so fat Unintelligible You're undeserving of her attention You're nothing You won't ever achieve anything You weren't good enough to even speak with her Why did you think you had a shot with her Why don't you just sit and do nothing like you used to Why don't you just stop trying to impress her You're not worth it Then An overwhelming rage grabbed my attention I just wanted to give her my attention And she decides to just throw the affection away And pretend we weren't even a thing Trying to avoid me even when we have to work together And just showing immaturity in every interaction I have to have with her During all of this I had a falling out with a friend of mine Which then showed his true colors And the anger escalated tenfold I just wanted to shout at the top of my lungs The effort I had put into fixing myself was deteriorating fast And my emotions started affecting the mass of my actions All the effort I had put into fixing myself was deteriorating fast And I blindly kept looking at the moments I had with her in the past I couldn't look past it and eventually the lies she told stacked up Deception made me lash out feeling like an outcast, an outcast