Where Will I Go?

Hazy IPA I crave and cave in to abusive ways I guess I am my grandpa and my grandma in a different brain Ain't it strange? I talk it out but it'll never change Tryna run from it, block it out, I guess I can't complain What will I do? Took a trip to get a fix on 66 the mountainous The outcome was a sober mind, a good three months of fixing signs Then I went to Vegas and got faded, alcohol my spine Something I ain't talked about, abuse has always robbed me blind Kept me from connecting keeps me leaving who I love behind What will I do? Trauma dump on all those peaks and notebooks I keep secretly I've said I want to kill myself a 100 times, the very least Every morning feel the glow as I look out towards the east I know that one day I'll be fine and radiate with peace Rays of sun some days feel like razors on these desert streets Kicking up the dirt to find a creek to numb my bleeding teeth Hands are in the soil I keep praying, let the stress release Hope they love me at my press release What will I do? I'm still searching for that ecstasy and climbing hills I can't defeat The details are so vivid but my memory is incomplete Talking to my therapist, she telling me I need to leave I disappeared like Chris into the trees but I still can't breath Doubt mixed with disbelief Angry how I'm still perceived Looking in the mirror like is this real? Guess I'm Tel Aviv The mind is still a hurricane, like can I get some damn relief? Done it all to fix beliefs within myself that wild beast It's Kurama on both my sleeves Sew it in Brazilian Weaves I care too much I'm so naive See the good in godless beings I had to cut em' off, butcher brothers with a heavy cleave Ain't too much that's left for me Besides a trail that's hella steep Staring at this map camping ridges on a glacier creek