P.S. I'm Fine Now

Throwback to August I remember falling and being unconscious Drenching with sweat from my head to my toes I was confused and I couldn't stop coughing My blood sugar levels were so goddamn low That I should've ended up in a coffin I was in shock and my body was froze Then they rushed me straight to the doctors I was so anxious upon the arrival In my mind it was survival I was so scared and I felt so damn cornered so I had nowhere else to turn but a bible And to be honest I lost all my faith when I was in the laundry room going through trials And tribulations I can't catch a break No part of my life has been violins, it's only violence My shoes you couldn't walk a mile in Hearing screams through the silence Nothing but pain when I'm smiling I'm dialing Calling hoping to hear the dial tone Wondering if its gon' die again I need to be alone No helping my brains, what's inside of it I kicked the bucket and threw in the towel whenever my back hit the wall I felt at my lowest if I was truly at rock bottom where else in the f*ck could I fall I remember vividly cutting my wrist and cleaning up the blood with napkins in the car My mom was upset and printed out screenshots of conversations I had to help me catch on I couldn't tell you the pain in her eyes Looked at her face and I tried not to cry This was way back in 2009 The talk that we had sent chills all down my spine And honestly I thought I moved on Reminiscing that moment done proved wrong 2018 Wrote a fucking letter Informing the public I'm 'bout to move on Do I wanna die Or do I wanna stay But it would be a lie If you looked me in my face And you ask me if I'm happy Man I can't erase the pain If I got to see you again tomorrow you can take me to a grave Forever missing a piece of my heart Conversing with demons inside the dark Even the weakest will fall apart Speaking to deacons about the start I'm anxious that I will never progress I'm anxious cause I always feel depressed Wondering what move gon' be next 100 Pound anchor steady laying on my chest And I can't seem to get it off Death really seems to always get me lost I'd buy happiness no matter the cost Oh no I'm anxious again wonder what set it off Rest in peace Juice Rest in peace Kobe Important leaders and idols to me even though both didn't know me Nobody knowing the pain that I feel inside Flirting with the idea of suicide When will this feeling not coincide F*ck your ideas I need more of mine Feeling like I am so short of time Almost going crazy I'm borderline Wish I could find better like Coraline Gotta change up my imagine now I'm 45 I kicked the bucket and threw in the towel whenever my back hit the wall I felt at my lowest if I was truly at rock bottom where else in the f*ck could I fall I remember vividly cutting my wrist and cleaning up the blood with napkins in the car My mom was upset and printed out screenshots of conversations I had to help me catch on I couldn't tell you the pain in her eyes Looked at her face and I tried not to cry This was way back in 2009 The talk that we had sent chills all down my spine And honestly I thought I moved on Reminiscing that moment done proved wrong 2018 Wrote a fucking letter Informing the public I'm 'bout to move on Do I wanna die Or do I wanna stay But it would be a lie If you looked me in my face And you ask me if I'm happy Man I can't erase the pain If I got to see you again tomorrow you can take me to a grave