Clever People

When caveman lusted after cavewoman And wanted her back in his lair He'd grunt three times, club her over the head And drag her homewards by her hair I'm sure to explain this social phenomenon On the scene there would descend Some bearded pratt of A consultant sociologist Talking out of his rear end Aren't you glad we've got these clever people Fond of the echo of their own voice Saying "trust in us we are the experts God's gift to the human race We can hold forth on A given situation On A radio program or on TV Available for A consultation For A consultation fee" Now much more recently they gave of the opinion That the world was definitely flat Or all these Australians would be hanging onto trees To stop them falling off the map If you sail that ship you'll fall off the edge Before you've travelled very far Don't say I didn't warn you, better stay at home You're safer exactly where you are And when you were ill, received medical opinion Adamant about the state you're in Said "we're the physicians, we'll improve your condition By the application of leeches to your skin These wonderful creatures have healing features That will help to pull you through And if they don't it's probably A virus And there's very little we can do..." Aren't you glad we've got these clever people Fond of the echo of their own voice Saying "trust in us we are the experts, God's gift to the human race We can hold forth on A given situation On A radio program or on TV Available for A consultation For A consultation fee" Now this war with Germany will be over by Christmas Any fool can see that's true There won't be time for digging trenches We'll be in Berlin in A week or two We know this Adolf Hitler's misunderstood His potty training was really naff He's just stopping off to smell the flowers This piece of paper tells me he's an awfully nice chap Now this young lad who comes from Memphis Who everyone goes on about I'll eat my hat If he lasts more than A month or two Especially with A name like that And these four lads from Liverpool They can't sing or play in A million years Don't make me laugh A flash in the pan, A storm in A teacup THis egg on my face won't seem to come off Aren't you glad we've got these clever people Fond of the echo of their own voice Saying "trust in us we are the experts God's gift to the human race We can hold forth on A given situation On A radio program or on TV Available for A consultation For A consultation fee" There is no hurricane, expect calm weather Beef is completely safe to eat There's rings around Uranus We're heading for an ice age The world is going to overheat There's an asteroid coming, we're entering A black hole We're doomed Mr Mainwaring, don't panic You'll never need more that one megabyte of memory You're as safe as houses on the good ship Titanic I think that at this juncture it's A reasonable assumption At the end of the day we have A bona fide case I've made it absolutely clear before Be reassured it's set in concrete So I'll make it absolutely clear again In order to equalise we need to score A goal Using broad brush strokes at this point in time In A drowning situation in A civilised society Bullshit baffles brains every time Aren't you glad we've got these clever people Fond of the echo of their own voice Saying "trust in us we are the experts God's gift to the human race We can hold forth on A given situation On A radio program or on TV Available for A consultation For A consultation fee"