Come Back Ebenezer

The first Nowell that the angels did say Was a Noel Edmonds Special upon Christmas Day All hail to the brain dead forget silent night Fill up every channel with wall to wall shite Away in a manger, no crib for a bed They've barcoded Jesus stuck a paper hat on his head Like cattle we're seething let's make the tills ring With big mouths and big bums and obnoxious offspring So come back, Ebenezer when all's said and done We'll put it down to your dry sense of humour Wheel your trolley to the checkout Stick on a false grin And become a festive consumer Oh come all ye faithful, oh come ye three kings Bear the gift of Bing Crosby to make us all cringe Let's all stuff our faces, and loudly get pissed Unto us is born Johnny Mathis to drive us all round the twist Let's deck all the halls with boughs of holly Fill up the bars with every rentagob wally It certainly would have advanced peace on earth If someone had strangled Cliff Richard at birth So come back, Ebenezer when all's said and done We'll put it down to your dry sense of humour Wheel your trolley to the checkout Stick on a false grin And become a festive consumer Hark the Herald Angels jingle and wassail Here's a health to the credit card, to Cliff's wallet all hail And just for a parting gift to all mankind That pissing record by Slade for the 3 millionth time So come back, Ebenezer when all's said and done We'll put it down to your dry sense of humour Wheel your trolley to the checkout Stick on a false grin And become a festive consumer