Family Holidays

There's one place that we long to be that's family holidays by the sea To swim in sewage is our greatest wish with Sellafield mutant jellyfish Everyone both old and young like washed up whales in the sun There she blows what jolly, jolly fun This is the place to be Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la Though we got up at the break of day there's a thirty mile jam on the motorway Nose to tail stuck in that queue, sweating like pigs, air turning blue And when we finally lose that jam, we're stuck behind a caravan This wasn't a part of our cunning plan We should have stayed at home Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la On the very first day just as we planned we search for a square foot of sand But the only place we can put our mat is right where someone's dog's just shat And when we finally take the plunge, we can't move for big fat bums To what a state the nation's come Really wish you were here Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la Oh, the very next day, we will spend, evacuating from both ends 'Cos we ate something for our tea we should have left crawling round the bottom of the sea Yet still we stuff our face with grease, kamikaze wasps give us no peace 'till it pisses down with Rain oh, please, please, please-take us away from here Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la On the third wet day, alas, alack, we're stuck in the shops buying loads of tack Puffing on fags and putting on weight, I'm sure we're all going to suffocate I think I'm going to go beserk, that bloke over there looks like a right burke (oh, it's a mirror I wish that we were back at work -only two days to go Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la "I'm not effin' telling you again, you little brat, you can't have a bloody ice cream and that's that You think I'm effin 'made of money you do Well you got another bloody think coming I'll tell you Look will you just stop effin' going on, you little sod Before I really slap you one - well, I don't know where he gets his bloody manners from We're not bringing you again Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la Well, the week's all gone love and just as well Deliver us from this living hell Pack your pink trouser suit away, we'll live to chain smoke another day We'll leave this popular resort, full of ghastly sights in shorts No wonder we feel out of sorts- see you again next year Oh,la la lalala lala lalala lala lalala la la la