Songs of Praise

From neat suburban gardens to the sound of the church bells They come from north, south, east and west as the congregation swells Last night there were only fifteen souls now they're pouring through the doors It's not because they're serving Theakston's, no they're here because they're going to be Appearing on Songs of praise, oh songs of praise To the cameras we will sing In soprano, tenor or baritone voice Those loud hosannas ring All in all we can all agree That Jesus Christ was a Conservative MP I'll open my mouth wide 'till it fills the TV screen Cos I'm on songs of praise Yes, I'm on songs of praise The church is decorated with the Dahlia and the Rose To cover any nasty smells that might get up one's nose I looked in the mirror and a vision I beheld In velvet jacket and dicky bow tie I hope my boss is watching me That star of screen as I'm here singing on Songs of praise, oh songs of praise To the cameras we will sing In soprano, tenor or baritone voice Those loud hosannas ring All in all we can all agree That Jesus Christ was a Conservative MP I'll open my mouth wide 'till it fills the TV screen Cos I'm on songs of praise Yes, I'm on songs of praise On weekdays I count silver and gold and fight the material fight They say I'd probably sell my own grandmother If the price was right But now I sing to raise the roof I miss my mobile phone To see if my shares in "Granny's 'r' Us have multiplied and grown while I've been singing Songs of praise, oh songs of praise To the cameras we will sing In soprano, tenor or baritone voice Those loud hosannas ring All in all we can all agree That Jesus Christ was a Conservative MP I'll open my mouth wide 'till it fills the TV screen Cos I'm on songs of praise Yes, I'm on songs of praise I'll put on more vibrato to be better heard and seen The Royal Opera or even Sir Cliff might even notice me God moves in mysterious ways to fulfil the financial dreams Of one poor lonely rentacreep just trying to shove that camel Through the eye of that needle Singing Songs of praise, oh songs of praise To the cameras we will sing In soprano, tenor or baritone voice Those loud hosannas ring All in all we can all agree That Jesus Christ was a Conservative MP I'll open my mouth wide 'till it fills the TV screen Cos I'm on songs of praise Yes, I'm on songs of praise I'm oozing extreme unction out of every single pore As I carry on singing in this silly voice So smiling and cocksure I'm such a pillar of righteousness a modern miracle to behold Well, who would believe that underneath it all I'm such a complete arsehole as I'm here singing Songs of praise, oh songs of praise To the cameras we will sing In soprano, tenor or baritone voice Those loud hosannas ring All in all we can all agree That Jesus Christ was a Conservative MP I'll open my mouth wide 'till it fills the TV screen Cos I'm on songs of praise Yes, I'm on songs of praise And you won't see my arse for dust next week When there's no more Songs of Praise Amen