The Melodeons are Coming

Strange portents are seen in the skies Ill omens they are borne And naked Morris Dancers make crop circles in the corn A comet races through the sky, foreboding on the wind Strange conjunctions of the planets, these are bad times my friend There's chaos on the stock exchange, panic at the ports The mormons are on their mobile phones, forces on red alert Supermarket shelves are empty but the churches have full pews TV schedules rearranged to get the latest news I do not speak of nuclear war or asteroid attack Ofsted inspectors, bubonic plague, no it's far far worse than that Not the Martians, not the Daleks, Anne Widdecombe or mad cow And even Nostradamus did not foresee what's happening now Oh, they came down in their spacecraft, one hot summer's night Hideous leering aliens with a green unearthly light Some had one row of nobs on, and some had two or three But all were just as deadly to the likes of you and me Oh, they breathed through dreadful bellows, through which the air was blown Destroying all things in their path with a hideous piercing moan With that dreadful mission statement from the planet of their birth Saying "death to all things musical that are upon the earth The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friends When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see That this is the way the world will end All in the key of d Although they have no life themselves they exist as parasites Attach themselves to a human host for all his natural life They look so harmless in their cases lying over there But pick one up and gorgon like it will fix you with a stare Oh, pick me up and play me," and no man can resist As they weld themselves forever between the victim's fists His muscles go into spasm, his eyes go all aglazed Condemned to play endless tunes for the rest of his days Those tunes go round in circles, everybody plays the same No one can step out of line in this deathly game It's no good trying to put one down, you will find you can't Stuck for eternity playing tunes that all sound like Nellie the Elephant The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friends When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see That this is the way the world will end All in the key of d It starts off with just one in the corner, with himself he will play But like a cuckoo in the nest drives all other instruments away And like a siren lures other poor mortals to their doom And soon you'll have 150 of the buggers all playing in one room They mutate like a virus spreading at the speed of light Drag in more hapless victims to feed their appetite Strike fear into the bravest hearts, put a chill into the soul I think I just saw one swallow a concertina whole The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friend When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see That this is the way the world will end All in the key of D! (Or G... apparently) They gather round in workshops, world dominance to plan Not content till they possess control of every man A farewell to all intercourse, conversation is all done Communicate by nods and grunts in between the tunes You can't fight them on the beaches or flee to the mountains high Only to put off the day when the spider gets the fly They can penetrate solid concrete, ferret in the deepest holes Till in the end we're caught in a trap like rabbits, rats or moles For the victims there is no way back there can be no release Not even a stake driven through the heart can bring them inner peace Till death comes as a welcome friend to take away their pain As they all meet their final end from repetitive strain The melodeons are coming, cover up your ears my friends When you hear their ghastly wailing carried on the wind The melodeons have landed and its very plain to see That this is the way the world will end All in the key of D