desolation (alone without a flame)

Haven't been happy for months Actually its almost a year Since I felt like I was on top I never say this shit enough Look I try to just smile And keep moving forward I'm jogging for miles But really I'm walking Walking in silence with all of these topics Stuck in my mind Look at the time The time is just ticking I'm wasting my life Wasting the time for happiness that I could have But truly I'm sad this shit is just different I don't wanna do shit I'd rather just sit I wanna just drink all this kerosene and slowly just watch myself melt Melt away from my original self Till I'm just dead on the floor I wish I can open the door I keep saying that I'll work on myself But it's hard when I over think every little thing I pretend that I'm fine But inside I'm a mess and I'm stuck In my mind yeah I'm running in circles no rest Hey depression the best I always keep on denying the signs I listen to MOtion and I start to cry I got that shit tatted so it always reminds Me that I'll okay But I never feel like I'm okay I always feel like most people don't like me I wish I can make my own copy of myself So I can end myself Without anyone worried on where did I go Will he come back I guess they will not know I always feel like I'm just trapped From leaving this world and picking up all of my scrapes Everyone tells me that God got your back But does he really or is he just watching my pain sitting relaxed Or maybe he doesn't exist I struggle with believing like everyday I struggle with faith like everyday Don't walk in my life just to show me the way I hate that shit I'll break that shit off if you faking it I'll break that shit off if you making it Look like you just wanna save me by using religion don't make that your mission It ain't gonna work Just leave me to burn Till I'm exposed to 5th degree Why am I speaking such misery But really for me it's a victory E