Living A Lie. / To You.

I've been staying here, standing here for ages I'm always wondering if you'd come back to me I've kept my feet planted, stranded for ages Thinking and hoping that you're still tied to me But I, I'm living a lie These feelings got me tied I've been lost without you You've seen, I'm carrying this pain You know that you've been fake You can't look me in the eyes I know I'm not straight with my words, I've always been silent But you know that I can't let you look at this face (I can't let you look at this face) When I'm out out of town you know I get busy Commitment ain't something that I can guarantee But I, I'm living a lie These feelings got me tied I've been lost without you You've seen, I'm carrying this pain You know that you've been fake You can't look me in the eyes I've been waking up in different beds, I always feel dizzy I know I've missed your calls, I'll find forgiveness in between your legs (Won't you pray for me?) You try your best to get me back, thinking, "I'll fix him" There's nothing wrong with me, I just think that this my life to live (I just think that this my life to live) But I, I'm living a lie These feelings got me tied I've been lost without you (But I'm living a lie) You've seen, I'm carrying this pain You know that you've been fake You can't look me in the eyes (I don't wanna, I don't wanna) I don't wanna live without love You know I'd still wanna be with someone who kinda appreciates that shit for what I do To you, whoever you are Days pass where I work through my schedule Not letting a sliver of thought come into my mind I work on my loves everyday Trying not to think of who you are or how you came to be When I'm in this headspace, I like to think that my passions are just drugs Something that I can abuse to pass the thought of you Finally having a clean slate, your presence is always felt Especially when you're not around Passions are thinning, I'm left empty handed Nothing my fingers can tap, nothing my chords can hum Living without presence, why show presence? Cold-faced when the doors close, I'm not satisfied Inside my mind, I find my pain and lies Give me a moment that lasts forever, I'm not dealing with others Cause I've never seen you, but I remember who you are In the palm of my hands you're a puppet, my actions control your movement And all at once, at the same time, your hurt fills a non-existent bottle Forgetting about it, I still try to find silence in my home-space But you're a reminder that the silence exists I fill my bed to forget the thought of you I fill my lungs up to forget the thought of you Flowers every week to a different woman, but they don't have the thought of you My addictions grew stronger than me, leaving me empty-handed No where to go, no where to be, I find myself hiding in the dark Left with nothing but my own thoughts of a love never acquired Something that I can't help but desire I haven't forgotten you, but I also don't remember how I met you You're something that I've had before, but I don't know how you felt the first time I wish I knew what you felt like What it would be like to go on a drive with you Making memories out of each other's faces, it didn't have to be places I think I know who you are, but I have zero recollection of who you could be I think I've met you, but never held your hand I always feel you, but you're not there The feeling of emptiness, the hollowness Reach inside of me and find everything inside of nothing I think I found myself where you should've been Suffering under the constant pressure of looking for you Growing old under the idea that your existence completes me Living without another half that may never exist i found myself begging for completion Not knowing that my own existence is what creates balance I found solitude in the idea of using others to fill the need of you Accepting that the cycle of passing through others is all I need To keep myself content Yet, the idea of you has not yet been ridden of You are still thought of, where you once lived You are still spoken of, where you used to be silenced You are still dreamt of, where you used to sleep And you are still remembered, where you used to be forgotten Your existence is what pushes me or slows me down, but it never stops me I will always feel you, even if you are never there And I will always love you, even if you are never with me To you, whoever you are