When I Was

When I was broken I just leaned into the dark Thought that it would keep me from falling apart All of these words coming straight from the heart I'm so cold now, cold now Guess that's why they call this art I was missing for a sec but now I'm back Y'all can relax! I've been feeling through my heart I've been digging in the dark We needed some more space for all the tracks that I've been burying Along with the feelings think it's embarrassing Perilous, I hope one day to not be quite so arrogant I maybe shoulda listened when they told me get a therapist Cause, some people tell me I speak in riddles, it's hilarious Experiment on every conversation that I'm having So that I can bring myself and others merriment Dangerous, a hero complex strong as mine can bury us Precarious, to be honest nefarious in various ways Chalk it up to me being Aquarius I don't know the answer but whatever it is, it's probably hilarious Or maybe really sad, but we don't wanna get into that Cause then I'd have to actually admit I was mad And then admit to assuming how I thought you'd react And that just isn't fair to you So honestly I'd rather act Like I was strong and fine So you would never ask the question I'd try to narrate and lead the conversations in different directions Hypothetical, I wish it was but it isn't I guess that means I know my traumas well, evade them with precision It's a whole different world out here, don't see a ceiling It's a crazy afternoon but I got a good feeling so When I was broken I just leaned into the dark Thought that it would keep me from falling apart Wish I knew how wrong I was Oh no, got a buzz and it wasn't enough Reaching into my feelings and I can't get a response This is what I wanted and now I'm numb When I was broken I just leaned into the dark Oh yeah yeah Thought that it would keep me from falling apart Thanks for listening, since you're still here I'ma tell you what you're witnessing Fine positioning, repartitioning, me inhibiting Several frequencies to tell my thoughts, no soliciting Ah A cover up of every insecurity with passion And lots of anger too because I'm sick of the distractions I allow into my life to rip my whole plan up Now I'm feeling I got no trust for no one and no love Gotta find a different way to cope, they tell me Oh no please, cause this is actually working So don't row against me like I row Against the current every time Their minds blow, catch me falling out of line When I was broken I just leaned into the dark Thought that it would keep me from falling apart