I Wish

I wish I spend more time with you before you left I wish i said something's and expressed how I felt I just held back and said we'll talk when I'm grown You told me life is too short for you to not live your own I know you in a better place I just wish you were home Where's God when you need him because I'm feeling alone I guess iin life everything just goes in pairs There's good and bad There's satan and God Why does it feel like I'm on the phone Conversating with jeuses asking for help will you help me i will not I tend to lose myself and just pretend that I'm not My brother's dead Im dead inside i can't rely on thoughts Everytime I say your name just know that it's real Cannot concentrate in world I'm relying on pills I'm barely coping suicidal don't how to feel God took away the only thing in a fake world that was real F*ck!! People say I'm always smiling they don't know I pretend to They don't know I'm hurt i got nobody to turn back to They say God within us living amongst us too Where was God when i needed him my brother dying dude IN hospital bed praying calling his name too Calling him through a prayer felt like a rejection too I had to be realistic Gone are the days with my brother Reminising I can't feel you spiritually but I can feel the distance I'm narrow minded very biased You know how painful it was just to see you dying I'm lost and i can't feel love but I'll pretend to try it I hope i dont lose myself attempting to find it I guess death brings us to the ones we lost We chase dreams and push away the ones we love Now that you no longer I don't think about you I don't want to break down I'm scared to talk about you Every night you on my mind I barely sleep without you The devils promising me that i will see you again I really so miss much I'll ask forgiveness i tend To see you again I can't feel but I'll pretend f*ck