Neglected

I don't go to church but I worship God But I have doubts is he real or not My mother had to sell her own body just to make living Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the living It's like I'm talking to myself when I'm kneeling Nobody knows about the scares I am heeling I guess We'll learn to live with our own demons My mother was a prostitute Because of the scars that came with you that's you daddy but I don't know you You raped my mother how you expect me to She was only 16 you were 22 You a fuckin pervert and I hate you too What my mother sees in me she saw in you And I hate myself cause I'm the younger you She's sells her body though she's uncomfortable Confides in drugs just to make it through Barely makes enough for me to make it through Her father disowned her because you In black family man makes decisions women follow despite what they going through Grandma abandoned her only daughter despite the shit that she was going through She had to let go of her only daughter just to respect culture and her marriage too Now she turned to the cold streets Her career was basically in the sheets She worked every day never missed a week I was 3 years old when she told me I hate you You ruined my life I wish God could just take you Whoever who raped me I hate him and I hate you She told me  if I would I would replace you Anger is our defence against pain Ever since she got raped Nothing's ever been the same Looking for the light but I don't believe in change This is all I know I don't believe it'll  change I'm just looking for somebody that can relate Suicidal thoughts death my only escape If Drink till I feel numb will it erase All the pain all the memories I have obtained All the scares and the pain within my veins I've accepted that I was born a mistake A Fatherless child a symbol of a disgrace Lying to myself pretending things are okay This normal to me and nothing will ever change You felt so worthless ever since that worst day Your parents kicked you out and nothing has been same You sell your own body just to make sure I'm okay Fact That you don't love me I love you and that's okay You trying your best ways on to how deal with the pain This quote really helped me and I hope it does the same "You can never love the sun when you never been through the rain" You feel like you losing touch it's a phase I know things are not really falling into place I know drugs& liquor will not erase f*ck Fact that you got raped and your innocence taken I can only imagine you're the pain that you have taken You see yourself flawed, worthless and Invaded You gave Birth to something you  naturally hate it You tried to end it's life someHow it made it This is how I view things in your perspective Towards your only child you not  protective All you do is smoke and Drink and I'm neglected Nobody knows what you going through You were neglected by those who weren't proud of you Appreciated by those who pretended to Tell my mother I love and miss her too I hope she made peace with what she's going through I'd like you to know I'm not mad you About what happened? You did what you had to do You were in pain and reacted the only way you knew It's situations I'm on my knees praying to God hoping he might speak They say hate overpowrs love that's why I'm weak If Satan overpowers God who am I to compete I was suppose to feel accepted I just feel decieved A message to my heartleass my mother you're all that I need You're my oxygen tank  though I struggle to breath And you just hate me for him and I  love you for me I'll live for you though you'll never die for me Life had made me doubt God for a second The people that have hurt me I still use em a reference Dying for love I'm still rejected no acceptance Everybody's fake personalities reflecting I'm dying slow inside I just need a  different perspective I need you as a mother all you brought me was step dad's Dammn all you brought me was step dad's I need you as a mother all you brought me was step dad's