Pain

The happpiness of life depends on the quality of thoughts My parents never loved me so it's suicidal thoughts I wish i raised you better when I had a chance Look how you turned out with no life and no plans My mother told me I was born a mistake I looked nothing like her what more can take Your broke my heart so bad what more can you break Child you're disgrace what make more can we say  She told me she tried to prevent so she couldn't conceive Two months later put pillow on my face I  couldn't breath Death is something that I wish upon myself that i need I wish you were not born sometimes I wish you were deceased I cannot blame it alcohol cause she was sober When she said those words it felt like my life was over Plotting on my death man I couldn't hold up The words she said made me feel little I couldn't grow up I'm just accepting whatever you are because it's life Even though you not what I expected I guess it's right I told my girl I never experienced love I never got any Shes like how do you know if this is love when you never got any It Left me chocking I didn't know what to say F*ck life and my parents that's what I used to say Accepted something's in life will never be okay In life I feel like letting go something just tells me stay I feel like sleeping and never wake up again I wish i could feel love just to numb the pain I just hold back when it comes to love I run away And I'm just tempted by drugs i plot to fade Maybe I'm just tripping talking bad on my mother Maybe She has good heart just hurt by another Maybe she was only taught hate and that's all she knows Maybe she's raising me  the only way she knows Name calling on mom as long as the name will fit Problem with us is that we love when it's too late and shit Every night she would bring a different man over And take drugs drink booze until they ain't sober Neglected by own hurts but you gotta grow up Ass whipped no reason blame it on hang over Sat in corner asked one question like when will it end If she's feeling so much pain why does she have to pretend Why does she have to hide the pain confied with the booze If you willing to risk it all tell me what can we lose I wish i could  put your face in the water and let you breath in Wish i drank those pills earlier to prevent convincing Karma  hitting back it brought me a child as demon I'm being fake to everyone the real me is a secret I might be smiling outside but I'm internally bleeding A simple girl cannot give a mother's love I'm  needing I cannot suffocate even though I'm still breathing I cannot live in a world where hate is what I'm feeling Sometimes I question myself am I even worth the living Sometimes you gotta give more more then you'll ever get in