Good News for Senior Citizens

Have you heard the one about the shirtless freak He liked to siphon gas tanks, when he needed a drink He pranced around the flames like an epiliptic mouse No one could forgive him for burning down that house When the hearse departed The great fall started Ed was incredibly broken-hearted Gilbert was expendable, I sadly shall suppose I guess that's how Bible stories go Have you heard the one about the withered hag She lived in her bed, and pissed into a bag She pressed random buttons on the ceiling fan remote And called the police, thinking her TV was broke Have you heard the one about the senile fool He hunched over laughing, and fell from his barstool He stood in the light of the cathedral's stained glass And laid on the altar, until the anger passed When the sparks were flying Ted was crucifying Yellowed rats, while all those men weren't dying Gilbert was expendable, although I won't admit He'd had enough of all our pointless shit Who can blame the man For screaming at Abraham The man in white had tranquilized his only friend Gilbert never realized it was right under his nose But I guess that's how Bible stories go