Thoughts of an Enigma (Introvert)

I can't get stuck in the past Cause that shit ain't healthy I often get caught up in the Memories that'll never help me I try to focus on the now And the person I've become But deep down I'm just a nigga from a place called Shelby I remember Pyramid schemes with Grizzly sized dreams And a Motel that showcased a man who had a dream There was a white mansion that was labeled the pink palace Wait… who the hell lived in the pink palace? Yet I swear all these places changed me Shoutout to the whole damn village who raised me I wouldn't be where I am without y'all's love, that shit evident RIP to the Franklin before I could count Benjamin As a kid though I felt that there were more guns than roses Kids smile in my mom face but at school they were posers I look back and it was just kids being kids But it felt like we were in an auction and I was the lowest bid But all that sad shit is the reason that I speak Spanish That shift wasn't easy but it probably saved my life See, I could've kept myself isolated and lost my way But instead my bond with my soccer team became stronger than a knife See if you were a black kid growing up in Memphis City Talking proper like white people would get you treated pretty shitty When I think about those days, that picture ain't never pretty Thank God for the ones who decided to keep standing with me I was in a hurricane of emotions that I couldn't process People saw me moving at mach 9 but inside I was mach-less I was of thinking that I would never find my own Spanish-speaking nigga was as much of an identity as legs going topless So I went to college thinking I could just start over I hoped that this time that I could just be me But I guess to be free is not luxury you see Because I still felt the need to fill roles instead of letting them fill me I was a black Memphis boy ignorant of the world Trying to be new instead of classic, real instead of plastic Before I even knew what things were problematic Back then I didn't even know why Trayvon was so tragic But through it all I had my people always down for me My brothers from different places always made sure that I was true to me Honestly I don't give a f*ck about blood But I swear that I couldn't have done all of this without my family Mom and Dad made sure that we felt we had it all Big bro made sure I knew how to get up when I would fall Big sis made sure that I knew how to build credit Lil sis told me she was my ride or die and never to forget it Grandma being extra made me feel like a king Whenever I was down she'd bring me up with her words Grandad and his wisdom taught me how to be a king He made sure I understood why the early bird gets the worm The diamonds and scars I never knew how they would change me But in a way they pulled me from the madness Them niggas saved me But yet and still I couldn't pay em back what I owe So instead of trying to, I just had to let 'em go All the women in my past got kids now, It's crazy Not in a bad way but when I see that shit, It change me We growing up, My niggas and I out here starting families, Buying cars, buying houses, getting masters, having babies Becoming doctors, chefs, vets, and engineers, Some of us didn't like our shit so we changing up careers I love to see the progress and how we push through our downs Even though sometimes we'd rather just be 6 feet underground Medicine's my life now, I'm defined by a stethoscope Everywhere I go I'll be attached, That shit my epitope Folks calling me with questions about they skin And I tell 'em Im in my 3rd year and just 6 months in I've been learning a lot in school, but it's hella stressful I constantly question if I am doing all I can To become so small in my own mind Even though I tell others test scores don't define who I am I'm finding cracks in my life, Chapped up they need some lotion Drowning in the sorrow Can't breathe I'm in an ocean Of my own thoughts I need some magic, give me a potion No time to sit still No emotion…. Just motion To the haters I think you talk too much can't stand you trashin' us Close your mouth, oh you can't Torus Palatinus The things you say don't mean nothing in my opinion Talk about something real like how our world needs healin' Or as I sit here in a beach in a resort in Cabo My wife and I are the only black people, I raise a brow yo But we just chilling out here My wife, she my rock She keep me grounded, She always be in my thoughts First thing I think about when I wake up Last face I see when I fall sleep I tell her this every chance I get But she everything that the heavens knew that I'd need And that's real