We Finally Won the War on Christmas

We've been at war with Christmas since 96 A few battles won but it was looking pretty grim Old Man O'Reilly had us down for the count Then he pulled out his loofa and sponged it out Captain Hannity renewed the fight Takes a good good soldier to battle through the night But he didn't count on our secret weapon A super dumb president who would do our bidding, oh yeah We finally won the War on Christmas Now everyone is down with the sickness Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap We finally won the War on Christmas Now everyone is down with the sickness Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap Agent Melania was the first to give way Did you see what she did to the white house display Her dystopian vision for Trumpian Christmas Was the first signal that the cracks were getting vicious Antifa forces then took to the streets Deploying fake ballots and a horrible disease Til everyone voted an everyone was sick And Christmas got cancelled it hurt like a brick oh yeah We finally won the War on Christmas Now everyone is down with the sickness Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap We finally won the War on Christmas Now everyone is down with the sickness Nobody's sittin on Santa's lap That mistletoe's a coronavirus trap