Late Night Thoughts

Can I be honest? I've got this fear that everyone I love will leave me Or that they're only here to appease me, or deceive me I guess I never healed from being burned in the past Learn to watch out for the signs when they're skirting the facts But, I suppose this is a symptom of my self-esteem Or maybe karma for still pursuing this selfish dream Searched within myself, but I don't see what you see Behind all this false confidence lies the true me I worry that you'll realize that I am not worthy I've got a long track record of having people desert me Look, I don't blame them, I'm not easy to deal with All my life I've tried to hide and conceal this I'm still trying to find out what my worth is Because underneath the surface, I still feel worthless Try to find my purpose, try to kill this curse it's Slowly taking its toll, I'm going berserk, kids Sometimes I think that you would be Better off if I was gone, and you were free Sometimes I wish that you could see What these thoughts really do to me Looking in the mirror, I don't see what you see Wishing I could restart, and try to build a new me I still feel this pressure in my chest Because you deserve better than my best You deserve better than my best You deserve better than my best Yeah, I guess I've always felt inadequate Dealing with these issues, and the demons that I battle with I push too hard because I'm afraid of being average I know that these thoughts and the stress are both cancerous I try to change, but I can't alter my chemistry The only thing these vices offer me, is dependency Mortgage the future, just to help the present me By the time I find peace, I can't afford the entrance fee. Yeah, I'm still failing to find the remedy Whipping up these recipes, trying to find a better me Self-doubt and fleeting thoughts still pester me Try to bring myself back, but I can't break these tendencies Sometimes I think that you would be Better off if I was gone, and you were free Sometimes I wish that you could see What these thoughts really do to me Looking in the mirror, I don't see what you see Wishing I could restart, and try to build a new me I still feel this pressure in my chest Because you deserve better than my best Sometimes I think that you would be Better off if I was gone, and you were free Sometimes I wish that you could see What these thoughts really do to me Looking in the mirror, I don't see what you see Wishing I could restart, and try to build a new me I still feel this pressure in my chest Because you deserve better than my best