Becoming

I always tried to be a good guy The yes ma'am, no ma'am kind But I got rage that nobody knows but me 34 ain't what I pictured I fake a smile and say I'm grateful But sometimes, no I'm pissed and I'm tired and I'm alone Maybe I should learn to finally let go I've been chasing dreams since 14 Fueled by nicotine and caffeine And a hole in my heart that I can't seem to heal Maybe it's because I hate sitting still But I've been trying Maybe I should slow it down But what would happen then I need control so I keep running Maybe I should let my life unfold just as it is But I'm afraid to know Who I'm becoming I'm often pulled into my old ways And it's familiar so I stay 'Cause I get sick of the healing sometimes And I just wanna live my damn life Sometimes it all becomes a cliché The mindfulness, the namaste I got demons I sweep under rugs That remind me of who I once was Maybe I should slow it down But what would happen then I need control so I keep running Maybe I should let my life unfold just as it is But I'm afraid to know Who I'm becoming I miss the old me sometimes The drunken dreamer with stars in his eyes But the future is a trap and I'm slowly learning that But the past is hard to redefine Maybe I should slow it down and learn to feel my pain I won't lock it away, it's meant for something I can't heal what I can't feel So give me all the rain And I'll learn to face, at a slow and steady pace Who I'm becoming