Lil' Timmy

I don't trust nobody Not even myself that's why I'm a homebody No need for homeboys I'm not finna go probably I wish I had a choice I'm froze in my own body The cold just blows by me I never could blame my parents for the way that I am They did a hell of a job Ain't no way I could spend time condemning them All the the things that they did for me thank God for sending them Couldn't be a coincidence Nevertheless I know the parts that they played It isn't personal but worth me healing marks that were made The sharper the blade the deeper the cut I'm know I'm bleeding it ain't easy to be cleaning it up I think it started off way back From missing my games I rlly wish I could change that Time spent away I rlly wish the could say that You can't do what you say then nigga why would you say that That's why I don't play that I'm speaking on straight fax With all due of respect Looking back the isolation may have came from neglect I started craving for attention not behaving the best Thinking maybe they'll see me if I'm crazy I guess Acting a fool I gave it my best To master the room persuading the guests To say I'm the best that they ever met To fill a crater that was paved in my chest Congratulations never gave me the rest That I need in my soul Thinking maybe my death will be better to show Whether people would stress Or even if they would know I'm questioning if my test will ever help me to know Then again maybe I'm tripping gotta keep that on the low Lil Timmy don't deserve to be loved Lil Timmy gotta work to be loved That's what the serpent told me Lil Timmy only worth it if he gives me All his gift then I'll return him some love It started working on me Lil Timmy sitting right where I want him As I keep him here distracted Ima take more from him Give him pride fear lust shame As long as he's with me then Ima give him everything I took it out on God not my dad not my mom You a fraud I was wrong all along about you I've been living without you now I'm gone I know you here but I doubt we getting along I though you're supposed to be strong Days nights year after year They said you be moving but I'm gonna move clear of you I may be fearing you but you ain't here So why am I seeking you ain't never here I'm twenty-two my life has since progressed But still I face the threat of loneliness I feel I'm still the kid that needs to chase and fetch for compliments It's really hardened me I want to long forget the harm I caused I'm hoping karma draws the card that pays my debts A word from God would help I'm busy worried about myself Like when these verses finna blow I feel discouraged can you help But the distance that I set back when I was a kid Still has me by the neck it's a blessing if I live Every second spent alone put me in a zone I don't think I need nobody else can't pick up the phone I would rather do it by myself till I turn to stone Grew accustomed to this lifestyle now a nigga grown I would rather starve to death than let you give me a crumb It's too hard to accept so send it back where it's from If that means living in debt while I live in regret What you niggas except you can't forget where I'm from Lil Timmy is a menace Lil Timmy has a smile Lil Timmy is a child Lil Timmy loves swimming Lil Timmy so smart Lil Timmy so bold Lil Timmy has a heart but it took a couple blows Now he's in a dark room the one that scarred him Thinking nobody cares the minute they lost him Nowadays dark rooms come around often Shifting his thoughts over to limitless darkness Thinking back to that visual got me miserable What if that had been my kid can I forgive myself That makes it difficult I could never blame my parents I think they did enough So it's only God to blame I think I'm big enough I have more peace in pain than when I'm getting stuff Think I'd rather be in chains than let you give me something Yeah I hear about your grace but I don't feel it none I feel the tears coming I ain't cried in a while like I don't feel don't feel nothing I've telling myself that I don't fear nothing But I'm scared to death And all these rooms getting darker why am I still running Lil Timmy don't deserve to be loved Lil Timmy gotta work to be loved That's what the serpent told me Lil Timmy only worth it if he gives me All his gift then I'll return him some love It started working on me As my tears dry my eyes clear No time for questioning how I got here I'm slipping back in the vision And come to find there's a difference Looking down from above I see that God's here