Lost Connections

You was my brother for a time, there's no denying that Shared our love for the rhythms, sonic acrobats I wrote the raps, you would smash together symphonies Make perfect hats, and the bass would flow so vividly We planned some projects and you threw yourself into the mix EQ the lows, we got high so we could feel the kicks You clung onto me like a spider webbing spinnerets Shared my lighter, let it singe when you placed your bets For a moment felt like shit when I spent time with you You was around and your attitude just fucked my mood Judge my friends when they had different perspectives Treat the others in my life like electives I dreaded driving, seeing woods, I didn't wanna talk Every time we got into it, felt it was my fault I saw my brodie and the aura was so clear Eye me down like an idiot with pimples in the mirror I made decisions that still hurt me when I think about it But your presence in my life just weighed me down, shit I'm doing better, making music for myself Self produced, mix and master, in this lane I'm black belt, uh Even through, I miss kicking it and making songs I had to cut my brother off so I could write some wrongs Achieving peace when the chaos running wild I'll grab the reins, let me walk another mile You was my sister for a time, there's no denying that FaceTime when I was bored, made a solid pact I told you everything, my feelings and my secrets too We weren't a thing, but platonic I was there for you I taught you math, science, life and played some games with you You gave me faith, "there's a lady out there made for you" I called you tripping off a tab, I loved our conversations And you helped me get a job after months of patience Found some shit about me, ugly as the river waters Tried to process things, but time only made it harder Called me saying that our friendship couldn't last forever I was crying cause till then you was my sunny weather Freaking out, I tried everything to talk to you Just one more chance, wrote some letters, hoped it'd get to you You told me straight to my face that this had to end Hit me hard, accept the fact I lost my best friend Time has passed, doing better, learning newer lessons Count my blessings, taking breaths just to manage stresses Achieving peace when the chaos running wild I'll grab the reins, let me walk another mile You was confusing, I took chemistry to see your face I couldn't understand the way you graded kiddos plates My humor never seemed to land when I talked to you And your insults pierced my soul, that time I wanted you It was explained to me why we could never be a thing Because of culture and your parents make the wedding ring We got tacos and I learned about your way of living It made me think about my freedoms and my younger sibling Fast forward through some time, I had a spark again And you told me to watch out for the tempt of sin I didn't listen and I made some bad decisions then I kept trying to connect through some messaging You got a man now, I'm honestly so glad for you You found a guy who can make you laugh and dance with you I heard from birdie that you shun any sense of me I say it's fine, but deep down it really bothers me Saying honestly, I know the ways I hurt you There's some portions that are fuzzy, but they hurt too And I want to say sincerely from the lucid heart That I'm sorry for the ways I tore you apart Don't expect you to respond with some kind words I just wanted you to hear it from the source first Achieving peace when the chaos running wild I'll grab the reins, let me walk another mile